Margaritaville Rules
"We need to change out attitudes. And we need to change out latitudes." -Mac (It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia) --Will Klepper after experiencing Margaritaville
PSA off the top: This post is too big for email so I think you’ll have to click through to see the whole thing
For some reason unbeknownst to me there are people who don’t like New York. What’s not to like? The endless construction? How dirty it is? The thousands of people crowding the streets? I love it. Every time I go to New York I have an awesome time. The food is great. The people remind me of me (remember the Oscar the Grouch comparisons). And there is so much to do.
And one of those things to do: go to Margaritaville. Now, I’d never been to Margaritaville but I’ve seen them around and they look amazing. I could not have been more right. I could have tried every drink on the menu there but I had to pick one so I picked a 5 O’clock Somewhere. And it was 5 O’clock when we got there! There were alarms that went off in the restaurant and the song came on right away. What an experience. If you want more discussion on this heavenly establishment go read Colin Jost’s memoir A Very Punchable Face. I think he’s the biggest advocate there is.
So I’m back in Winston Salem for school. I’m still in the process of moving in but it’s good to be back. It’s made me look back at my summer and assess it. Overall, it was an awesome summer. I went to Georgia, worked on my first film set, was a counselor at a film camp, made good money spilling paint down steps (among other odd jobs), watched a ton of stuff, listened to a ton of music, hung out with my friends and family, and made a lot of memories. Pretty solid if you ask me.
I came into the summer with no ‘real’ paying jobs, depression, and anxiety.
I left summer with no ‘real’ paying jobs, depression, anxiety, and a movie blog.
Movie count for the year: 117
Documentary count for the year: 32
Movies
Birdman (2014)
Right off the bat I just want to say bye to my mom who will skipping this section because she thinks this movie sucks. To her I say:
I mean this movie is such a movie-nerd movie it’s crazy. Single take movies can be really hit-or-miss. It either becomes a gimmick or it works and in this case it works exceptionally well. The amount of really cool shots in this movie is off the charts and if you’re like me and you look for where they made the cuts to sell the illusion of a single take you’d be hard pressed to find them. It’s also wild to me that this was somewhat of a Keaton-ssaince. I freaking love Michael Keaton. I’ve seen Mr. Mom at least 5 times* and he’s who I think of when I think of Batman.** I guess I didn’t really realize that his career kind of fell off for a minute there but he’s been on a tear recently that I can’t help but be happy about. He should’ve won the Oscar for Best Actor this year but that loser Eddie Redmayne won it for playing Stephen Hawking.*** Whatever, maybe there will be more in the future. What else to say about this movie? The supporting cast is brilliant as well. Edward Norton is so good at playing an asshole that I can’t decide whether I’d like to meet him in real life or if he’d be an douche. I’m leaning towards douche.
Single take movies rule. If you think about every aspect of filmmaking it’s just a triumph when pulled off. The actors have to sell it, the cinematographer and DP have to plan every shot to the T so that the single take is intact, and the Director has to have the shots mapped out in his/her head to sell it. Obviously there’s so much more that goes into it. From costumes to make up everything has to line up so the illusion pays off in the end. It’s crazy impressive. The earliest one I’ve ‘seen’ is Rope from Alfred Hitchcock in 1948. I put quotes around seen because I lowkey fell asleep during the movie. It’s not cause of the movie or what was happening on screen believe me. It’s cause I was a drunk bastard and had stayed up basically the entire night before. It was also the day after Christmas. And my Grandma was visiting (sorry Grandma I know you’re reading this). I’m a mess. Anyway, if you look into Rope, the fact Hitchcock was able to do a single take movie at that time is crazy. Now that films are shot on digital it’s a lot easier to do a single take movie, but Hitchcock was shooting on film which allowed for around 10 minutes of footage per spool. So what did Hitchcock do? He made a movie that consists of 11 long takes that took up the entire roll of film. That’s insane.
Ranking of movies my mom hates that are actually really good:
Birdman
La La Land****
Wonder Woman
I couldn’t think of anymore off the top of my head. Sorry guys.
Rating of how much I’d want Michael Keaton’s character to go cross country with: 2/10 (Batman is 8/10, Beetlejuice is a 2/10, Mr. Mom is a 9/10, The Founder is a 5/10)
No, But Really: This movie fucking rocks. If you’re into the nitty gritty of movies and filmmaking you’ll appreciate this movie and if you like good acting you’ll appreciate this movie. I’m not sure if it’s the most rewatchable movie of all time but it deserves to be included in the “Best movies of the 2010s” discussion.
*Watch this movie
**Shameless plug: read my blog from last week. I talk about Batman Returns.
***I promise there will be Oscar rants galore in future blogs so I’ll hold off for now.
****I haven’t seen it yet but it’s on my list. I promise.
Night At the Museum (2006)
So my family went to the Museum of Natural History in New York the other day. What did we do to prepare? We watched this movie of course. We actually watched it at the request of my Mom.
*Just a quick aside for everyone* I know that I bring up/talk about my mom a lot in this blog. First off, she gives me so much content it’d be crazy not to include it. Secondly, get ready to hear about my friends at school because they provide a hell of a lot more content and they also have some heinous movie takes that I feel I must expose. But don’t think you’re out of the clear yet Mom.
So we started the movie and 15 minutes in my Mom announced she had to go to bed and went to go sleep. Uh…what the fuck? Personally I think it’s a wild play to be the one to request a movie and then fade the entire thing, but that’s just me. Were the rest of us complaining? Hell no. This movie will always be enjoyable to me because I remember watching it (and it’s sequel) when I was younger and loving them. I think I actually saw the second one in theaters. I remember that because me and my friend Luke couldn’t stop doing the “boom, bang, firepower!” thing the The Thinker does:
Seriously. We thought it was the funniest thing we’d ever seen.
One thing I will say: the Natural History Museum is much different than the one depicted in the movie. That motherfucker is huge. We were there for around 2 hours and managed to hit most of the exhibits but I could have gone there everyday for a week, 8 hours a day, and would still probably have stuff I hadn’t gotten to. Museums are dope.
Ranking of movies based on books that I bet you didn’t know (or at least I didn’t really know):
Night At the Museum (I’m serious, look it up)
It’s A Wonderful Life
Forrest Gump
Die Hard (What?!)
Shrek (I knew this one but I bet a lot of people don’t)*
Who Framed Roger Rabbit (??)
Mrs. Doubtfire
Legally Blonde
Rating of how much of a sleaze Ben Stiller’s character is: 6/10 (Happy Gilmore is a 10/10, Dodgeball is a 10/10, Meet the Parents is a 7/10) Ben Stiller is really good at playing sleazebags.
No, But Really: I mean is it Citizen Kane? No. But I’ve got a soft spot in my heart for this movie because of the nostalgia I have for it. It’s a great concept, there’s a great supporting cast, and it’s a fun time.
*There are some really fun facts about Shrek. Did you know that the filmmakers planned for Chris Farley to play Shrek and had even recorded 85% of his dialogue before he died? There’s audio online with his dialogue if you want to check it out. After that crazy mother Mike Myers replaced him he recorded all of his dialogue in his normal Canadien accent but that wasn’t enough. As mentioned in previous blogs (shameless plug alert) Myers is obsessed with Scotland so, naturally, he decided to re-record his entire dialogue with a Scottish accent. Because why not?
The Equalizer (2014)
I decided to watch this for a couple reasons: 1. The Equalizer 3 is coming out in a couple weeks and since there is nothing really worth seeing in theaters right now I figured it might be the next thing that might be worth seeing. I will report back on whether I think so. 2. Shea Serrano loves this movie. He’s probably my favorite writer and is one of the reasons I feel like I can write this blog. If he thinks something is good I’m inclined to believe him. He also loves Denzel but, I mean, who doesn’t? You should go read his books if you like rap, hip hop in general, basketball, movies, or pop culture.
Going into this movie I was expecting John Wick. That is not what this movie is and I think that’s a good thing. There are so many ‘ripoffs’ of John Wick nowadays that something putting a different spin on it is nice. HOWEVER, I did, and do, like John Wick better. I’ll let you guys know what I think after I watch The Equalizer 2 and 3. John Wick is awesome. It’s rare to see a movie franchise go 4-4 on movies but John Wick did that shit. If you haven’t seen those yet put them on your list. Watch them in order, watch them close to each other, and enjoy.*
Ranking of stores I’d want to have a final battle/fight/hunting scene in:
Home Depot (plenty of tools to use)
IKEA (I just feel like this would be fun)
Michael’s ( You could be really creative with how you use all the arts and crafts supplies)
Sam’s Club/Costco (It’s a warehouse filled with food and other stuff. What else could you want?)
Lego Store (Think about it.)
Rating of how much I’d trust Denzel Washington with my life: 10/10. (I think he’s probably a 10/10 in every movie.)
No, But Really: Don’t go in expecting John Wick. But if you like stories/characters that are similar to that you’ll probably like this. It takes a while to get going because it is much more grounded in real life than John Wick but Denzel is so good that is Works.
*Hey Academy: add the best stunts category to the Oscars. It’ll encourage more movies to include them and everyone, and I mean everyone, loves awesome larger-than-life stunts when they watch movies.
Bullitt (1968)
Going into this movie I only knew a couple things: 1. There is an iconic car chase. 2. Steve McQueen based his character after a real-life detective that I will be talking about later. Coming out of it I was mostly just struck by how unbelievable the filmmaking was. There were so many crazy, unreal shots in this movie that I was actually talking to myself every time there was one. Literally from the opening scene it’s clear that the director Peter Yates is in his fucking bag. The blocking, staging, and camera movements are on point the entire movie. But enough of the nerdy movie talk. San Francisco is such an awesome movie location. There is so much going on, it’s very unique looking, and they have some crazy history (ever heard of Alcatraz or the Zodiac Killer?) Seriously, go watch Escape From Alcatraz and Zodiac. You know I love Clint and Escape is based on a true story. On the other hand Zodiac is probably my favorite David Fincher, and that’s tough becuase the guy also made The Social Network* and Fight Club. And Se7en**. And Gone Girl. Goddamn.
Steve McQueen is a boss. Go watch The Great Escape if you haven’t already. Historical inaccuracies aside (and there are a million of them) he is just so cool. However, he’s not as cool as our king Paul Newman. He’s still got the belt for the bluest eyes although Steve McQueen does give him a run for his money. Who am I kidding? No he doesn’t. You know how I mentioned McQueen based his character on a real-life detective? Yeah, that guy was named Dave Toschi. This guy was a badass. You know who else based his character on him? Clint Eastwood in Dirty Harry (another fantastic San Francisco movie). Oh yeah, and he was also the lead detective in the Zodiac Killer case. When you’ve got 2 of the coolest actors of all time basing their characters off of you AND you’re the lead detective in one of the most famous serial killer cases of all time you’ve got to know you’ve made it.
Ranking of unsolved mysteries from history (do a deep dive if you want):
Who was the Zodiac Killer?
Did those guys really escape from Alcatraz and survive?
Who was Jack the Ripper?
What happened to Amelia Earhart?
Did D.B. Cooper survive? And who was he?
What happened to the lost colony of Roanoke?
What happened to that Malaysian flight from a few years ago?
Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Who killed JFK? (The CIA. There, I solved it.)
Rating how quickly a detective/cop would be fired if he did what Steve McQueen did in this movie: 9/10 (The loser cops (not Rosewood and Taggart) in Beverly Hills Cop are a 1/10, Axel Foley from Beverly Hills Cop is a 8/10, Alonzo (Denzel) from Training Day is a 10/10, Popeye (Gene Hackman) from The French Connection is a 6/10)
No, But Really: This movie is a slow burn at times and compared to the action movies of today is not as action-packed, but that’s also not the point of this movie. It’s very tense, and the story keeps you on your toes because you don’t really know what’s going to happen. Also, like I said, from a filmmaking aspect this movie rules. Oh yeah, and that car chase? Fucking sweet.
*This is Fincher’s best movie. But it comes as a close 2nd to Zodiac for my favorite.
**Haven’t seen it yet but it’s very high on my watchlist.
Docs
I’m honestly not sure how long these are gonna be this week so be prepared for some long ones and some short ones. Possibly only long ones because I tend to get carried away.
Nature boy (2017)
I’ve never been a wrestling guy. I never got into it when I was younger like so many people did and never really understood the fascination with these guys (and girls). All I heard growing up was how fake wrestling was and how it was all scripted so it never grabbed my attention. Obviously those things haven’t changed but this 30 for 30 definitely opened my eyes a bit. This, along with Andre (the Andre the Giant I told you guys to check out in a previous blog)* really showed the beating these ‘fakers’ went through. I mean, it clearly takes a lot to learn how to do all the moves, stunts, etc. and to be able to sell it as entertainment takes serious skill. Wrestling, WWE, AEW, etc. still isn’t my thing but I’ve learned to appreciate what wrestlers go through as I’ve gotten older.
Now to the documentary.
Ric Flair is a crazy motherfucker. I was familiar with the iconic “WOOOOOO” and the Offset/Metro Boomin song of course:
(For my older readers: ^^That is called rap music. It’s this new fangled genre of music that you may or may not be familiar with. It contains profanity at times. Get over it.**)
But I didn’t know much about him other than his big personality. The dude is a grinder. And a partier. Definitely a partier. Like how is he still alive type partier.
Wrestling back in the 70s and 80s was a different beast. Those guys would in front of a few hundred people in some bumfuck town in Missouri on Monday, travel to Oregon that night, wrestle in front of a few hundred people in some bumfuck town in Oregon on Tuesday, travel to New Mexico that night…. You get the point. They just had a love for the game man, nothing else to it. I mean that is some serious dedication, you just gotta respect it.
Mount Rushmore of athletes based on how their claimed sexual exploits:
Wilt Chamberlain (Claimed to have slept with over 20,000 women. That is simply outrageous but coming from the guy who scored 100 in a game*** he of all people knows that shooters gotta shoot. Straight up Hall of Fame numbers.)
Ric Flair (Claimed to have slept with at least 10,000 women. Makes sense after you watch this doc.)
Tiger Woods (It’s only (ONLY) around 120 women but purely for the media coverage this has to make the Mount Rushmore.)
Magic Johnson (The results speak for themselves.)
No, But Really: I’m not even into wrestling and I liked this a lot. It’s more of a character study more than anything that shows the toll a life like that can have on a person. It was very personal but not to a fault. Also, if you like crazy stories this one is jam packed.
*Yet another shameless plug
**I’m sure there will be more discussion about this in future blogs because its the 50th anniversary of Rap. Shoutout to DJ Kool Herc. Dude is only 68. He ‘invented’ rap at 18. I thought he’d be something like 80. He needs a movie.
***Still not footage of this game which is wild to me.
100 Years of Warner Bros. (2023)
Took me a while to add this to the blog but I finally watched all 4 parts. Why did it take so long you may ask? Because I watched the first part of it with my Mom thinking it was just a 2-part series that we could knock out in a couple days. It turned out to be 4 parts which caused this crusade to take up the entire summer but we managed to get it done the week before I headed back to school. But can I just say? I fucking love movies. If that was not already apparent I would like to make it abundantly clear.
This is pretty self-explanatory but this doc-series is a 4-parter that splits up the history of Warner Bros. into 4 sections by era. The best part of the entire thing was just seeing all of the amazing movies and TV shows Warner Bros. has made over the years from Casablanca to Gremlins to Unbroken to Friends. The one glaring thing was seeing how the glory days compares to the movies being made today. I’ve made this rant countless times already on this blog but it’s just tough to match the output of original movies with all-time directors from back in the day. There are still a few doing it (shoutout to Scorcese, Nolan, and Spielberg (kinda)) but young filmmakers aren’t given the chances to make the movies they want to make anymore. Studios don’t want to take the chance when they can pump $200 million into one movie and reap the rewards.** Anyway, enough of old man Will’s ranting.
Ranking of the Movie Studios based on their Logos and Theme:
20th Century Studios (I know Disney owns them now but this is my ranking. Deal with it.)
Universal (Can’t go wrong with using the Earth. Solid logo and the theme is second only to 20th Century.)***
Disney (I mean there’s not much to say about this one. Part of the reason I think this is so high is because it reminds me of all the Disney movies I watched as a kid on repeat. Fun fact (I don’t remember if I’ve said this in a previous blog or not so don’t yell at me): I used to be terrified of live-action movies. Wouldn’t watch them. So, naturally, Disney, Pixar, and DreamWorks were all I watched when I was really young. I don’t remember when I got out of that phase but here we are today.****
Columbia/TriStar (I never know if I’m gonna get the lady holding the torch or the horse with the wings but either way the logo is top tier.)
Warner Bros. (I’m sorry Warner Bros. but I have to put you here. These are all iconic logos and themes that have been around forever but the other 4 ahead of you just stand out more to me. Also: change the shield back to what is used to be!)
Paramount (I know this isn’t true but I always think of Paramount not having a theme they play when they show the mountain in the beginning of their movies. Unfortunately for them this automatically brings them down to the bottom because 1. it’s logos and themes and 2. again, it’s my list and my rules.)
The real ranking of the things you see before the movie actually starts:
THX***** (Now this brings me back)
That’s the list.
No, But Really: If you like movies this is right up your alley. If you like history this is right up your alley. It’s a great combo of film, TV, history, and business that really covers the history of America while also covering the history of Warner Bros. I just wish they talked more about their failures along with their successes.
*Yet another shameless plug to read my past blogs. Unbroken was in last week’s!
**How’d that work out for you this summer Warner Bros.? I heard The Flash ended up netting you guys over -$200 million. Great job! Learn your lesson. Don’t forget about it just cause Barbie made over a billion.
***Don’t ask my why but for some reason The Cat in the Hat starring Mike Myers is the first movie I think of every time I think of or see this logo. I do not like this movie at all, I haven’t seen it in probably at least 12 years, and there are so many amazing Universal movies that I’ve seen. My brain is weird.
****Another fun fact: The Iron Giant (a known animated movie mind you) fucking terrified me as a kid. *SPOILER ALERT* but when the Iron Giant goes crazy toward the end of the movie and Vin Diesel****** starts yelling I think I started crying and ran to my room. I didn’t watch the movie again until like 2 years ago. It’s awesome. I was such a dumb kid.
*****Did you know THX was created by a guy at George Lucas’ company for the release of Return of the Jedi (1983)? It gets its name from the guy who invented it (Tomlinson Holman) and adding the X refers to Lucas’ first studio move THX-1138. You guys may not think that’s interesting but I think it’s really cool.
******Vin Diesel has hacked Hollywood. All he does is make Fast and Furious movies and does voice acting that requires him to say 4 words max. What a genius. He’s worth $225 million.
There’s so much more I want to say about this but I just don’t have time. Real quick:
I wish we could go back to studios being owned by actual people rather than conglomerates
I wish every studios did their own shit and they weren’t all merged. It’s like all the conference realignment going on in College Football right now. It sucks.
Long Gone Summer (2020)
Not the best 30 for 30 I’ve ever seen but man did it make baseball seem like the best time. I wasn’t alive for this home run chase but it looked like an absolutely electric factory. Personally Sammy Sosa seemed to draw the short straw here cause it’s mostly about Mark McGwire (and that’s for a reason I guess) but it would’ve been nice to see more of Sammy.
*If there are any baseball purists reading skip over this part*
*Whispers* I don’t care about all the guys who took steroids. Put them in the hall of fame. Taking steroids didn’t make it easier for them to make contact did it? It just made them stronger. Their records might be a slightly different story but you can’t argue with the careers of these guys. Also put Pete Rose in the Hall of Fame for fuck’s sake. He’s the freaking all time hits leader and has 1,100 more than the closest active player who is Miguel Cabrera. Cabrera is retiring after this season. Safe to say that record is gonna be intact for a while. While I’m on the subject, the baseball hall of fame is ridiculous. The idiots who vote turn in blank ballots, vote for one person, will be the only dissenting vote for a unanimous player, etc. just to start people talking. GET OVER YOURSELVES. Appreciate the game and the great players who have come out of it. I get it’s an exclusive club but Jesus Christ.
Phew, sorry guys I’m back.
No, But Really: It’s a solid 30 for 30 that just feels like summer. I could’ve watched it in the middle of winter and felt like it was the middle of July. Could’ve expanded on some stuff but good overall.
Stan Lee (2023)
Marvel 75 Years: From Pulp to Pop! (2014)
I decided to combine these two because I watched both but Stan Lee is really the that’s worth the watch. It’s essentially a biopic about Stan Lee which, in turn, becomes something of a Marvel documentary as well. The only problem I have with it is it should be a miniseries. The guy was at Marvel for his entire life and the doc doesn’t get into any of the dark times of the company when it was bankrupt and selling of its characters for cents on the dollar. Ever wonder why the X-Men and Spider-Man aren’t in the MCU? It’s cause Marvel was broke and had to sell the rights to stay afloat.
Ranking of Pen Names:
Stan Lee (Stanley Leibert)
Dr. Seuss (Theodor Geisel)*
S.E Hinton (Susan Eloise Hinton)**
Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
George Orwell (Eric Blair)
Caroline Keene/Franklin W. Dixon/Edward Stratemeyer (I don’t even know)***
No, But Really: It’s a pretty typical biographical documentary but is unique in the way it recreates historical scenes being talking about on screen (if you watch it you’ll see what I mean). I really liked it because I’m a nerd for both history and superheroes so if you’re into any of that you’ll like this.
*If you want to ruin your childhood (and your day) look up Dr. Seuss’ wives. Sorry, but it’s my duty as a writer to share the useless facts that fill my brain with you all.
**Hinton was only 15 when she started writing The Outsiders, 16 when she finished it, 17 when it was sold, and 18 when it was published. Don’t let anyone who has ever called you an underachiever learn about her or you’ll never hear the end of it.
***You’ve got to look into who wrote the Nancy Drew/Hardy Boys books. That is one tangled web. I’m not even sure what the hell is going on with that.
TV Shows
It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia (Season 16) (2023)
I ripped through this whole season 1 day. It was actually 16 hours ago as I write this (It’s 2:00 am. Fuck me I should go to sleep). There’s nothing going on so, naturally, I’m watching a bunch of stuff as I set up my room at school and settle in.
This is one of my favorite shows of all time. When I need something to watch and don’t feel like watching something new I throw on a random episode of this, New Girl, or How i Met Your Mother. Friends used to be on that list but after it left Netflix and went to HBO it fell out of the rotation. It’s ironic because now my parents stopped getting Netflix and we have HBO Max now.* Anyway, I’ve watched this show at least 4 or 5 times all the way through and could do it 5 more times. If you haven’t watched it I could not recommend it more. It’s crazy that after 16 seasons they’re still pumping out great seasons. I think this season went 8 for 8 in terms of solid episodes and while the more recent seasons aren’t batting 1.000 I don’t think they’ve had a bad season yet.
Sunny is the longest running sitcom of all time by a long shot. 16 seasons and counting blows shows like M*A*S*H**, Cheers, Frasier, Will & Grace, Happy Days, and Married With Children out of the water. (They all had 11 seasons). You know what’s wild? That there are shows that have been running for more than 60 years. Guess how many seasons the longest running American show of all time is. I bet you can’t. It’s Guiding Light. 72 seasons. 18,262 episodes. 1937-2009. Sweet Jesus. There was 15 televisions in the whole world in 1937. To be fair, if you guessed General Hospital I’ll give it to you. It’s at 60 seasons and counting with over 15,000 episodes. I guess Soap Operas are where it’s at.
No, But Really: Like I said, I couldn’t recommend It’s Always Sunny more. All 5 main characters are amazing, it’s hilarious, smart, and still a great watch.
*My favorite game is going to HBO Max to watch something and not knowing whether or not my parents got rid of our subscription or not. Truly exhilarating stuff.
**One of the craziest stats of all time is the fact that, not including Superbowls, the finale of M*A*S*H is the 3rd most watched television event of all time with 105.9 million viewers. It trails Richard Nixon’s Resignation Speech (110.0 million) and the Moon Landing (125-150 million).
-Fuck Dan Snyder
—Not sure what’s coming next week but be ready for more
—-”Back to school, back to school. To prove to Daddy I’m not a fool.” - Billy Madison
——Groceries are really expensive
Ben Stiller in "Zoolander" 10/10