Issue #54: Stick To What You Know
An Oscars (and Paddington) review
Welcome back, everybody!
Just a quick breakdown of the blog for any new readers:
I ramble for a bit and give an update on my life and what I’m thinking about this week
I talk about the movies I watched recently (usually in the last week but I’m still catching up)
I do some rankings, ask some hypothetical questions (ex: what are the chances my dad cries while watching this movie?), and then I give my no frills, no jokes review
We ignore grammar errors here at the blog. Give me a break.
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Hello all. I hope that everyone’s week is off to a good start and that you don’t want to quit your jobs, drop out of school, or go back in the workforce (shout out to all of my retired readers out there).
Let’s start with the Oscars.
AKA: I’m the best predictor ever.
I don’t know how many of you stuck through the entire 3-hour and 42-minute broadcast (just a tad longer than The Brutalist), but it was a solid show with no real controversies. This is great for the show overall but not as good for the ratings. You can’t have Will Smith slapping Chris Rock every Oscars, though, so a show with no real controversies is alright.
I thought Conan was great, per usual, and despite my Mom saying that he was bombing during his monologue, I’ve seen only glowing reviews that said he was hilarious. Not sure who to trust on this one, since I missed the monologue and haven’t watched it in full. I don’t have cable, so I spent the first 20 minutes of the show trying to figure out how to stream it on my TV. Once I got the show screen mirrored from my computer to my TV, I was watching it in 144p which made it look like I needed glasses, but I was watching it nonetheless.
For anyone who was in an Oscars poll or bet on the Oscars in any shape or form, I truly hope you used my Oscars preview blog as a reference, because goddamn did I nail it.
Best Animated Feature: Flow ✅ (correct)
Best Supporting Actor: Kieran Culkin ✅ (correct)
Best Supporting Actress: Zoe Saldaña ✅ (correct)
Best Actor: Adrien Brody ✅ (correct)
Best Director: Sean Baker ✅ (correct)
Best Picture: Anora ✅ (correct)
The only major award I got “wrong” was Best Actress because I thought Demi Moore had the “thank you for your service” narrative on her side. However, considering this was my prediction in that last blog:
I’ll chalk it up as a moral victory.
This was a historic Oscars for a number of reasons, but none more historic than what Sean Baker managed to do. Baker became the first person to ever win 4 Oscars in one night for the same movie:
Best Editing: He edited Anora
Best Director: He directed Anora
Best Original Screenplay: He wrote Anora
Best Picture: He produced Anora
It’s truly astonishing and unprecedented what he was able to pull off last night. I wanted to mention him for that, but I really wanted to include what was my favorite part of the show in the blog: Baker’s speech when he won Best Director.
It was a great message about keeping movie theaters alive that I talk about in literally every single one of these blogs. Amen to everything he said, and I hope he manages to speak it into existence.
When I was asked what I thought about the show last night (by my friend Chaiken), my response speaks for itself:
Some people watch mid-major schools play college basketball on a Tuesday night; I watch a random movie that no one my age has heard of on a Tuesday night. We all have things we’re good at.
All in all, I had a solid time with the Oscars. It’s great being on the West Coast for it because it ended before 9:00 which let me eat dinner and watch a movie after it was over. Everything starting 3 hours earlier is a pain in the ass sometimes, especially watching weeknight sports, NFL football, and college football, but man, for stuff like the Oscars and night football it’s pretty great. I’m still in the camp that Central time is the best time zone, but Pacific has its perks from time to time.
Now we have 363 days till next year’s Oscars. I can’t wait to see what’s in store and write about it for you guys.
Before we get to the blog, which is Paddington-centric today, I want to ask you guys if you know how/why the Oscars started in the first place.
I’ll give you a second to come up with your answer.
…
…
…
If you said: “The Oscars were created by film studios as a way to keep their actors from unionizing, going on strike, and earning fair pay,” then you’d be correct!
One of the greatest producers and executives of all time, Louis B. Mayer, decided to form the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences to act as a go-between for the studios and the actors to settle any disputes. Then he decided to start the Oscars as a way to throw a big party for the people in Hollywood he didn’t want to unionize and as a way to give them awards, distracting them from asking for fair pay and forming a union. Don’t you just love to learn the reason behind your favorite things? It’s always so fun to hear about greed motivating every decision ever!
Doesn’t matter to me though, I still love da movies.
One last quick Oscars story before we get to the blog. The story of my favorite Oscars.
My Favorite Oscars
During my Junior year of college (2022-2023), one of my friends, let’s call him Garfield (like the cat), decided he was going to bet on the Oscars. That year, most of the categories were locked up pretty early in awards season:
Best Actor: Brandon Fraser
Best Picture: Everything, Everywhere All At Once
Best Supporting Actor: Key Huy Quan
Which left Best Supporting Actress and Best Actress up for grabs and open for Garfield to bet on. There was no point in betting on Brandon Fraser to win Best Actor when his odds were -5000, so he decided to do what all good bettors do: try to find a lock in uncertainty. This led him to the Best Supporting Actress category.
That year it was somewhat of a two-horse race between Angela Bassett (Black Panther: Wakanda Forever) and Jamie Lee Curtis (EEAAO). Weeks before the Oscars, Garfield was reading everything he could find, desperate to find which person to bet on. After hours and hours of research, along with astute reasoning, he landed on Angela Bassett. His reasoning revolved around a couple of things, primarily the fact that she had been snubbed many years prior and “was due.”
Now, I’m not going to tell you how much Garfield put on this bet because that would be classless. Believe me, I really want to, but Garfield is my friend and it would not be very friendly of me to expose him like that, so I won’t tell you how much money he put on this bet. I’m serious! Stop asking!
Keep in mind, this was back in the days before sports gambling was legal in North Carolina, so we were all using good old Beast32 to bet on sports and such. Before the end of February, Garfield had placed a bet on Angela Bassett to win Best Supporting Actress, a wager of an unknown quantity to most of the people reading this.
Flash forward to Oscars Night. It was the second Sunday of spring break that year, so as we all arrived back from our various spring break trips that morning, we were all gearing up to watch the Oscars. I’m always interested in the Oscars, and my friends watch their own fair share of movies, but let’s be honest, we all wanted to watch purely to watch Garfield’s bet.
The day started in panic when Garfield noticed that the live odds for Jamie Lee Curtis had shifted overnight dramatically in her favor. But there was still a chance, and there was no backing out now. Thankfully for Garfield, the Best Supporting Actress award is given out pretty early in the telecast. It would’ve been way more fun for the rest of us to see him sweat out his bet for 3+ hours, but for his sake, I’m glad they gave it out early.
I’m sure you’re all seeing where I’m headed with this, but if you couldn’t guess already, Garfield lost his bet. There’s a video of it that I can’t put here, but as they listed the nominees Garfield is standing about as close to a TV as you can get without touching it. He’s audibly praying that Angela somehow pulls off what would be a major upset. When Jamie Lee Curtis’ name is announced he recreates the Willem Dafoe Platoon scene to perfection as we all die of laughter in the background:
And just like Willem Dafoe’s character, Garfield died a little bit that night.
It was my favorite Oscars ever and it’s gonna be a tough one to beat.
I love you, Garfield, but stick to what you know: betting unders and betting what color Georgia will vote in the election.
Alright, let’s talk about some CGI bears, shall we?
I made a new website. It’s basically the same as the old Vault, but it’s been given a makeover and the movies and documentaries I watched in 2024 are now available as well. If you check it out please give me suggestions on how I can make it better. And let me know if there are any issues I need to fix.
Check it out here!
Alright, on to the blog.
Movies count for the year: 41
Doc count for the year: 8
One Marmalade Sandwich Please
Paddington (2014)
AKA: The bear likes marmalade.
If you’ve read this blog since the beginning, or have looked at my weekly recommendations since I first started doing them, then you should be familiar with my thoughts on the Paddington franchise…
They’re fantastic.
It's truly one of the best film trilogies of all time. Sure, trilogies have reached greater heights, but there are not many trilogies that have a 3/3 hit rate. We'll discuss that later in the blog though. I first watched Paddington and Paddington 2 in 2022 purely out of word of mouth.
*Author’s Note: Listen to this 4 film stretch from that year: Paddington, The Avengers, Paddington 2, Gremlins. What a run. 4 absolute bangers in a row.*
Anyway, I never expected to like them as much as I did, but when you see reports like:
There’s nothing you can do except watch the movie.
This year, in honor of Paddington in Peru coming out, my friend Sophia and I (noted Paddington fans) decided that our friend Adelaide (a Paddington virgin) needed to see the first two before seeing the third in the trilogy so we did a double feature. Even though they both fell asleep during Paddington 2 (it was 10:38 pm on a Saturday, I wrote it down) it was a successful night that resulted in a new member for the church of the Little Bear from Peru.
You may remember (there's no way you remember) my encounter with the granddaughter of Jacques Cousteau at my high school and my missed encounter with Buzz Aldrin from past blogs. Today I have another story in that same vein. I may be misremembering this, but I think the creator of Paddington came to my high school. Here's the thing: I don't know if it was the guy who created Paddington or Courderoy. You guys remember Courderoy? I loved that book when I was little. The bear loses the button on his overalls in the mall and he tries to find it. That's all I remember, but the book cover is burned in my memory.
*Editor’s Note: Jesus Christ, how the fuck did they let the author spell Courderoy like that? I apologize to Corduroy, I thought spell check would catch that.*
Look at me getting sidetracked, per usual. Yeah, so the guy who created Paddington came to my school (maybe). I had never read Paddington and hadn't seen the movie (I think the first one was out by this time) so it didn't mean much to me, but looking back I wish I could remember more from it. Wow, that story sucked. See, there’s a reason I got sidetracked.
Ranking of Bears Who Wear Human Clothing:
A noted fashion expert (me) will be conducting this ranking.
Paddington
It’s a perfect fit. He’s the classiest bear at the function. No notes.
Smokey the Bear
I’m gonna be honest, I was not aware of Smokey’s game before doing the research for this ranking. He’s got an effortlessly cool look that we’re all striving for. The hat and belt combo with his name on it takes him over the top.
Winnie the Pooh
Simplicity at its finest. Everyone wishes they could pull off the Winnie the Pooh but only the bravest (or psychotic) of us actually tries it.
Corduroy
I’ve always been a fan of corduroy pants, which is a reason Corduroy sneaks into the top 5 here. Hey, I never said there wasn’t any bias in these rankings.
Wojtek the Bear
This is a pick I had to include purely because of how awesome the story is. Sure, he doesn’t wear human clothing, but he was a corporal in the Polish army during WWII, and we support veterans here at the blog. A Polish regiment adopted Wotjek in 1943 after his mom was shot by a hunter, and he became a mascot of sorts. The soldiers bonded with the bear, smoked cigarettes with him, and drank beer with him; all while fighting the Nazis. Wojtek also carried ammunition during the war and helped lift the morale of the Polish soldiers. The history nerd in me couldn’t leave him off this list.
Honorable Mentions: Berenstain Bears (The Berenstain Bears), Little John (Robin Hood), Fozzie Bear (The Muppets), Po (Kung Fu Panda), Yogi Bear and Boo-Boo (Yogi Bear)
Omitted due to lack of clothes: Baloo (The Jungle Book), Ted (Ted), Lotso (Toy Story 3), Cocaine Bear (Cocaine Bear), The Three Bears (Goldilocks)
Do They Say the Title of the Movie In the Movie: It’s the most used word in the script.
Chance My Dad Cries While Watching This: 98%
No, But Really: I’ve been singing the praises of this movie since I first saw it and I’ll continue to do so. While the second in the series is a tad better in my opinion, you truly cannot go wrong with either. It’s fit for any age and any gender, alone or with a group. It’s fun, and heartwarming, and will make you feel good when you finish it, which is always a great thing to have in a movie like this. If you’re feeling down: just boot this up and you’ll cheer up right away.
Paddington 2 (2017)
AKA: Hugh Grant is an international treasure.
Before I write anything, I just want to let you know that as I type these words I’m listening to Notorious B.I.G. rap about how his words hypnotize women and how they love his flashy ways, which is why they’re so broke and he’s so paid.
Despite the Diddy of it all, this video is awesome. When he recorded this song, I’m sure Biggie imagined a white kid writing a blog about a CGI bear when he was doing it.
Life can be beautiful sometimes, can’t it?
Paddington 2 is an absolute triumph. Just when you thought Paddington was the highest height a CGI bear could reach, Paul King follows that up with a movie that is even better. There are a few reasons for this, but if I had to point to one it would have to be the addition of Hugh Grant, without a doubt. As much as I like Paddington 1, I've never been the biggest fan of Nicole Kidman (one of the main characters in that movie), so when you replace her with Hugh Grant (one of my guys) the movie is already better before a single second is filmed.
Hugh Grant is one of those actors who has never made a movie worse by being in it. You're never pissed to see him pop in a movie. Even in a bad movie, he'll come off the bench for a 10-minute cameo, make six 3s, grab 5 rebounds, and dish out 5 assists, effectively taking over the screen and being the thing that sticks with you in what is otherwise a crappy movie. He's the best, and his 90s hair is some of the best to ever grace the silver screen.
Now it's time for an unfortunate admission:
I've never had marmalade. This may not be that big of a deal, but for someone who has talked about the Paddington movies as much as I have, I feel like it comes off as insincere since I haven't tried the very food that is a core character trait of the main character.
While we’re here making food admissions, I should let you all know that I've also never had meatloaf before. This may come as a shock to any readers from my neighborhood, considering that this is what most of you, kids and adults alike, know me as, but it's the truth.
2 things before we move on:
1. While I've never had marmalade, I'm very well versed with jelly and jam's game. In my head, without having tried it, Marmalade is Kobe, Jelly is Lebron, and Jam is Jordan, the GOAT. The best jam? Bonne Maman Raspberry Preserves.
Trust me, I'm an expert.
Now, I'm certainly not as much of an expert as my friend Jack Clifton from elementary school. He had a PB&J every single day for lunch for 6 years straight, except for that one day when his dad packed his lunch and all he had was a can of tuna fish in his lunchbox (true story). I did have a PB&J every day for lunch during kindergarten, though. Another fun fact: I lost my 1st tooth eating a PB&J and my 2nd eating a banana. I'm not sure why soft foods seemed to be my baby teeth's kryptonite but it just happened to be that way.
2. While we're on the subject of teeth, I lost my 3rd tooth by tripping in the computer lab and nailing my face in the corner of a table. Blood everywhere. My 4th tooth I could turn 720° in my mouth before it finally came out. Finally, and most hilariously, my 5th tooth was knocked out when I got punched in the face in a "fight" that consisted of me being punched in the face and nothing else.
Last thing:
I think that white clothes turning pink when a red thing is in the laundry machine is a myth. I’m convinced it's never really happened.
Do They Say the Title of the Movie In the Movie: Paddington? A lot. Paddington 2? Unfortunately, no.
Chance My Dad Cries While Watching This: 98%
No, But Really: This movie might be one of the best of the 2010s. It’s certainly one of the best children/family movies if nothing else. It’s hard for me not to repeat myself when writing my review for this movie after having written a review for the first one, but everything that is great about the first Paddington is built on and improved in this movie. Huge Grant is lights out and I couldn’t recommend this movie more.
Paddington in Peru (2025)
AKA: As long as the bear is in it I’ll be watching.
This movie came out on Valentine’s Day.
“Will, did you see this on Valentine’s Day by yourself in the theaters surrounded by couples?” you ask.
To that, I say no. In fact, I saw this a week in advance at an early screening so I got to spend Valentine’s Day alone in my room watching a movie instead of being in a theater.
You’ve already read about the double feature my friends and I did in preparation for Paddington in Peru. When Sophia discovered that we could see Paddington in Peru a week early I’d describe her reaction as a mix of the reaction from winning a Super Bowl and finding out that you just won the lottery. When she found out we also got free Paddington keychains at the theater I thought she'd spontaneously combust. Unfortunately, Adelaide couldn’t make it, so we, naturally, decided to rub this in her face to no end.
The theater makeup for this movie was hysterical. When Sophia, her friend (that I don't remember the name of, sorry), and I walked into the theater I noticed immediately that there was not one child in sight. The entire SOLD-OUT theater was made up of people our age and older. It was 1:00 pm on a beautiful, sunny Saturday and 100+ adults spent their afternoon watching a CGI bear take an adventure through Darkest, Peru. Like I said earlier,
Life can be so beautiful sometimes.
Something that's always interesting is when movie franchises recast actors. All Paddingtonheads know that Sally Hawkins plays Mrs. Brown in the first two Paddington movies. In this movie, she was replaced with Emily Mortimer, who is perfectly capable in her own right, but different. Franchises recast actors all of the time, and it's hilarious when they try to pass it off to the audience like they didn't. Part of me wishes Paddington in Peru made a joke about this, but they do the opposite. There are multiple flashbacks to the first two movies (which Emily Mortimer is not in) and numerous times when the Browns and Paddington talk about how close the family has gotten since then. This is a tricky situation in most movies that cannot fail miserably. Hell, I was worried that this would be the case in Paddington in Peru, but either Emily Mortimer is the best actress of all time or these movies just have a stranglehold on my heartstrings, because I was, yet again, tearing up watching a CGI bear in a blue coat and red hat hug his adopted family.
Goddamn, these movies are good.
Mount Rushmore of Best Trilogies of all Time:
I’m handicapping myself here by only including trilogies that I’ve seen every movie in. This means trilogies like the Godfather trilogy (Godfather III) and the Before trilogy (all three of them) can’t be included. I’ll get to them eventually. We’re also only including trilogies, which means that Toy Story and John Wick can’t be on this list due to them being quadrilogies rather than trilogies.
Lord of the Rings (Fellowship of the Ring, Two Towers, Return of the King)
3 perfect movies. 3 movies of grand scale that still hold up and have better effects than some movies today even after 20+ years. They tried to run it back with The Hobbit and failed miserably, but we’ll always have the original LOTR.
The Dollars Trilogy (A Fistful of Dollars, For A Few Dollars More, The Good, the Bad, and The Ugly)
The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly is one of my favorite movies of all time, so this was always going to have a spot on this list for that reason alone. But it also has the fortune of having 2 other pretty perfect entries in the trilogy preceding it.
Original Star Wars Trilogy (A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi)
The OG trilogy in my life and one that will always make this ranking, no matter how many movies I see. It could definitely be #1 on a different day depending on how I’m feeling.
Cornetto Trilogy (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, At World’s End)
Kind of a dark horse pick here, especially with the Dark Knight trilogy on the board, but The Dark Knight Rises kind of sucks and brings the trilogy down a peg. The Cornetto trilogy is British humor to the max, which I love, and the combo of Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg, and Nick Frost will always work for me.
Honorable Mentions: Dark Knight Trilogy (Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, The Dark Knight Rises), Back to the Future Trilogy (I, II, III)
Do They Say the Title of the Movie In the Movie: Hell yeah they do. I clocked it in the theaters and did a silent Tiger Woods fist pump.
Chance My Dad Cries While Watching This: 98%
No, But Really: These guys just don’t miss. While I rank this third in the Paddington franchise, it’s such a fine line that you could pick any in the series and be watching a great movie. The recast of Sally Hawkins is tough and she is missed, but it doesn’t affect the movie too much. These movies are great, and a big reason is the buy-in of the movie star-side characters in them. This movie is no different, and Olivia Colman’s performance is worth the price of admission alone. Great for families and adults alike.
-I should’ve bet on the Oscars
—Yay Anora
-—I’m going to Chicago next week
——I love da movies