Issue #55: Playing Telephone With The Maintenance Men.
Communication at its finest.
Welcome back, everybody!
Just a quick breakdown of the blog for any new readers:
I ramble for a bit and give an update on my life and what I’m thinking about this week
I talk about the movies I watched recently (usually in the last week but I’m still catching up)
I do some rankings, ask some hypothetical questions (ex: what are the chances my dad cries while watching this movie?), and then I give my no frills, no jokes review
We ignore grammar errors here at the blog. Give me a break.
Also, please subscribe and share with your friends. It’s FREE and I really appreciate the support, it means a lot.
What’s up?
I’m getting pretty good at this “publishing 2 blogs a week” thing aren’t I? Sure, it means I stay up till 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning two times a week, but at least I get to sleep in because I don’t have a job, right?
Right?
Wrong. I can never sleep in because of my bitch ass neighbors. I need to tell you about them, but I’m gonna give them their proper blog intro at a different time, potentially next week.
One update that I never told you all about is the leak in my roof.
It was raining in Los Angeles on a Thursday a couple of weeks ago, a rare occurrence I must add, and I was sitting in bed sending some emails out. I should first point out that I have a skylight in my room, another thing that contributes to my inability to sleep in very late. Another thing that I should point out is that my bed is directly underneath said skylight. Now that you have all of the information we can continue the story.
So I was sitting in bed, sending some emails, when I felt the first drip. It landed on my leg, I looked up, and another landed just as I did so. I’ve dealt with leaks before, but I gotta say, a leak directly above your bed has got to be the worst place for one. My next course of action consisted of 2 things:
Moving my bed so that nothing was underneath the leak
Putting in a work order with the maintenance guys for my apartment building
#1 was easy. #2 was more of a hassle. See, the leak happened on a Thursday, and when I submitted the work order the maintenance guys told me they wouldn’t be able to come till Friday. Except they didn’t tell me; they told my roommate. They didn’t tell me because I’m subletting from my roommate so I don’t have direct communication with the landlords or the maintenance people. Can I get their number so I can have direct communication with them? I honestly don’t know, but at this moment, and for this story, I do not. So through a game of telephone, I find out that they can’t come for another day. Ok, sure, no big deal. What’s one day?
Friday morning rolled around and the guys hadn’t shown up yet. I asked my roommate to talk to them again. Again, after a game of telephone, they found their way to our apartment and up to my room. They took one look at the leak, which had stopped dripping at this point since the rain had stopped, and told me they wouldn’t be able to fix it till Monday. Except they didn’t tell me; they told my roommate. Again, I had to play a game of telephone just to figure out what the hell was going on. Except this time the game wasn’t in English, it was in Spanish.
Now, I took 8 years of Spanish throughout my school career. I can barely stumble my way through an elementary or middle-school-level conversation at this point. So when the maintenance guys (two native Spanish speakers) and my roommate (a native Spanish speaker) started talking about the next steps, I just stood there looking like Private from Penguins of Madagascar; waiting till I was clued into the conversation.
I was leaning in, trying to understand what they were saying, and picking up words here and there, but I had no earthly idea what they were saying. One word I did understand was “Lunes,” and right then and there I knew I was fucked.
For all of you non-Spanish speakers out there, Lunes means Monday. Monday means I had to wait 3 more days for them to fix my roof.
So I spent the entire weekend in a half-put-together room. I can finally empathize with all of my peeps who are living in studio apartments; that shit sucks. I lived in my bed that weekend. I had no room to go anywhere else in my room. I couldn’t open any of my drawers to get clothes and since it was raining that weekend I was stuck inside my room. Add on the fact that it was Valentine’s Day weekend and it’s safe to say that I was not exactly feeling the love. Lame joke?
Lame joke.
Thankfully the guys managed to come on Monday. Again, they hadn’t shown up in the morning when they had said they were gonna come, so I was sitting around with my thumb up my ass just waiting for them. Imagine my surprise when I sat down to eat lunch in my room and heard a knock on my sunroof. No warning, nothing. Thank god it wasn’t naked lunch Tuesdays. That would’ve been really embarrassing.
My Weekend Recommendations
Before we get to the blog, here are some recommendations for your movie night this weekend. Of course, you can always use The Vault, but here are my curated selections.
I’m missing my friends a little extra this week but I’m seeing some of them soon, so here are 5 movies about friendships you should watch this weekend.
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)
The original “buddy” movie, and one of the best. It’s tough to beat the combo of Paul Newman and Robert Redford. This one is an absolute classic.
Diner (1981)
I wrote about this movie just a couple of weeks ago on the blog, and I couldn’t recommend it more. It’s one of the most realistic representations of male friendship I’ve seen in a movie and I guarantee you’ll have a good time watching it.
Thelma & Louise (1991)
A movie from one of the living masters, Ridley Scott. Similar to the chemistry between Paul Newman and Robert Redford, the duo of Geena Davis and Susan Sarandon is electric. There’s also a really young Brad Pitt performance in here.
Bridesmaids (2011)
I’m not a woman, but for my money, this is one of the best representations of female friendship on screen. This movie is one of the best comedies of the 2010s and should be seen by everyone. You’ll be crying from laughter.
I Love You, Man (2009)
Finding friends can be hard and this movie does a great job of presenting that dilemma. Also, Paul Rudd has never been bad in a movie, so you know this has to be good. I won’t steer you wrong, trust me. Slappa da bass man.
Let’s get on with the blog.
I made a new website. It’s basically the same as the old Vault, but it’s been given a makeover and the movies and documentaries I watched in 2024 are now available as well. If you check it out please give me suggestions on how I can make it better. And let me know if there are any issues I need to fix.
Check it out here!
Alright, on to the blog.
Movies count for the year: 43
Doc count for the year: 7
Spidey Stuff
Spider-Man 3 (2007)
AKA: Black Spidey suit! Black Spidey suit!
I first watched the Sam Raimi Spider-Man movies back in 2021 in preparation for Spider-Man: No Way Home. There were rumors that Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield were gonna be in the movie and, wouldn't you know it, the predictions were correct. But after Spider-Man and Spider-Man 2, I stopped. You may have noticed, but I don't watch too many movies that I don't like. This may not necessarily be a good thing, because it probably means I'm limiting myself to movies that I suspect I'll enjoy, but I have a pretty good eye for that kind of thing, and since I'd heard that Spider-Man 3 was far and away the worst of the Raimi Spider-Man films, I decided to pass it up for something more worth my time in 2021.
*Historian's Note: The next movie I watched in 2021 after Spider-Man 2 was Clear and Present Danger. It's safe to say that I made the right choice that day.*
So it took me 3 years to get around the watching the third in the trilogy. While it may not be as good as the first two, a lot of people around my age have a soft spot for this movie. I'm not exactly sure why, but I think it may be because it came out in 2007 and it's one of the first movies that I (and other people my age) actually remember coming out. Like, for example, I distinctly remember the Happy Meal toys from this movie. We didn't get McDonald’s too often in my house, outside of the occasional weekend breakfast with my Dad and sister (where I first fell in love with the McDonald’s hashbrowns) but I vividly remember getting a Happy Meal toy of the New Goblin when this movie came out. I bet it’s still mixed in with all the toys we have left from when I grew up.
Wait a second. I just did research and it looks like my memory was wrong. The toys were from Burger King! This is truly shocking news that I'm processing in real-time with you guys as I type this. I could've sworn that the toy was from McDonalds. We rarely went to McD's but we never went to the King. Wow, what a twist.
Top 10 Memes/Gifs from Spider-Man 3:
This might be a lame ranking but this movie is a damn gold mine that I can’t pass up.
Franco stare
Tobey dancing
I want you to kill Peter Parker
Tobey walking down the street
Tobey crying
They love me
How’d that get in there?
Tobey dancing again
See ya chump
Gonna Cry?
Do They Say the Title of the Movie In the Movie: Similar to most sequels, the first half is said a bunch. The number is always the hard part to fit into the script.
Chance My Dad Cries While Watching This: 0%
No, But Really: This movie was not very well received when it came out, and for good reason. It’s silly, over-the-top, convoluted, and it’s clear they were trying to fit way too many things into one movie. However, that being said, while it doesn’t stack up to the first 2 Sam Raimi Spider-Man films, Spider-Man 3 still brings stuff to the table. It’s not very good, and I probably won’t watch it again, but it’s a satisfying conclusion to Tobey Maguire’s Spider-Man arc, and it’s still a lot of fun despite being lesser than the first 2.
The Amazing Spider-Man (2012)
AKA: Peter Parker is an emo skater boy.
When I finally watched Spider-Man 3 in 2024, I knew it was only right to rip the bandaid off and finally watch the Andrew Garfield Spider-Man movies. Again, I'd just heard that they weren't that good so I chose to spend my time watching "better" movies. But I'd made a commitment and there were only 2 Spider-Man movies I hadn't seen, so I chose a random Saturday night and fired this bad boy up.
It's tough to compare the three eras of Spider-Man films because they are so different. The Sam Raimi films are straight from the comics and have a very distinct, early-2000s comic-book movie feel. They were the first mega-hit superhero movies since Batman in 1989 and they started the trend of superhero movies dominating the box office, so they were ironing things out as they went. The MCU Spider-Man movies with Tom Holland also have their distinct feel to them, but they are tied so closely to the MCU machine that it's tough for them to stand out as much as the OG Raimi ones. They're bright, they are some of the best MCU movies, and everyone in the movie is closer to comic book-accurate age than the other movies other than Aunt May (shoutout to Marisa Tomei; still an absolute smokeshow).
Which brings us to the middle child in the Spider-Man family. The ugly ducking if you will.
For those of you who are unaware, Sony owns the rights to Spider-Man. Back in the 1990s, Marvel was bankrupt, so they started selling off their major characters to movie studios to stay afloat. Hulk went to Universal, X-Men and Fantastic 4 went to 20th Century Fox, and Spider-Man went to Sony. People forget because of how big the MCU was at its peak, but Iron Man was a C-List comic book character when the first Iron Man came out in 2008. All of the top-tier characters were owned by different studios. Thanks to Disney, however, Marvel got the Hulk back a while ago and the X-Men/the Fantastic 4 back when they bought 20th Century Fox. Which leaves Spider-Man as the last domino to fall. But Sony will never, and I mean never, let him go.
See, in order to maintain the rights to Spider-Man, Sony has to make at least one Spider-Man movie every 5 years. Which is the reason The Amazing Spider-Man was made in the first place. Spider-Man 3 came out in 2007 and Sony saw their time running out, so they made this movie to keep the rights. Fox did the same thing with The Fantastic 4 (the one with Micahel B. Jordan and Miles Teller) and it went horrendously. TASM is way better than I expected, but it's nowhere near the quality of the Raimi and MCU Spider-Man films. This rights issue is also the reason behind all of the Sony Spider-Man universe movies in recent years (Morbius, Madame Web, Venom, Kraven the Hunter, etc.). They're all absolute garbage and Sony has no idea how to make a good live-action superhero movie (the Spider-Verse movies are top-tier) but they manage to keep the rights by making these shitty movies, so they'll keep making them until the gravy train runs out, which is never.
Sigh.
Do They Say the Title of the Movie In the Movie: Yup, word for word. Perfection.
Chance My Dad Cries While Watching This: 7%
No, But Really: This movie is a lot of fun. Overall, it’s certainly a lesser movie compared to the Sam Raimi films and the newer Tom Holland films, but Spider-Man is always cool and works on me every time. Andrew Garfield is also so damn good as Peter Parker that he makes this movie better than it should be. Garfield, along with Emma Stone, who is dynamite in this movie, have the best chemistry out of any of the Spider-Man movies, which also makes the film better overall. It’s fun, go turn your brain off, and you won’t be disappointed.
The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014)
AKA: Sony just can’t get out its own way.
We simply did not know how good we had it.
Just like Icarus, son of Daedalus, we flew too close to the sun.
Facing this movie was a conundrum. It was the one I was looking forward to least because of the bad things I'd heard about it while simultaneously being the one I was looking forward to most because of the bad things I'd heard about it. And let me tell you, while it's not nearly as good as the previous Spider-Man movies and would rank near the bottom of superhero movies from the 2010s, it's leaps and bounds better than most of the stuff we've gotten since Avengers: Endgame. During the 2010s there was simply an embarrassment of riches when it came to superhero movies. When this movie is getting compared to its contemporaries (Guardians of the Galaxy, Captain America: Winter Soldier) it stands no chance. All three of the movies came out in 2014, and TASM2 blows chunks compared to GOTG and Winter Solider. But compared to the next movie in this blog and the majority of superhero movies since 2020, TASM2 looks way better, has better action, and is a much more fun watch.
And let me just say right now...
Andrew Garfield got fucking boned with these movies.
Pound for pound, Garfield might give the best Spider-Man performance of the three actors who have portrayed him in live-action. I think all three guys are great, and the ranking, like most rankings for me, changes every day, but when it comes to being a comic-book-like, quippy Spider-Man, Andrew Garfield is pitch-perfect. He's far and away the best part of this movie and his character is so much better than his already good performance in TASM1 it's unbelievable.
*Author’s Note: The fact that Andrew Garfield was 29 when he first played Spider-Man and 31 when he portrayed him in TASM2 is wild.*
The other best part of these movies is Emma Stone. She’s perfect as Gwen Stacy. Are you kidding me right now?
Like goddamn.
The problem with Spider-Man movies, and this all stems back to Sony, is that the next one always needs to be bigger than the previous one. This is true with most franchises, but the Spider-Man franchise never sticks the landing. They have all tried to force a Sinister Six movie before it makes sense, which results in movies with 3+ half-baked villains rather than 1 great villain, and the entire product suffers because of it. I, and all comic-book movie fans, would love to see a successful Sinister Six movie someday but the way superhero movies are going at the moment, they'll probably fuck that up again.
I’m getting cynical in my old age.
Mount Rushmore of Spider-Man Villains:
Outside of Batman, Spider-Man has the best rogues gallery of any superhero. I’ve probably done this ranking before, but I’m doing it again.
Note: I’m not including Venom here because he alternates between anti-hero and villain. If I was including him then the top three spots would already be full.
Green Goblin
The #1 and #2 spots were locked in here before I even started making this ranking. It’s really just a battle for 3rd and 4th because Goblin and Doc Ock have to be 1 and 2.
Doc Ock
Doc Ock and Green Goblin could be switched, depending on how you’re feeling. The doctor is a certified top 2 choice though.
Mysterio
Here’s where personal preference comes into play. I think Mysterio is such a great idea for a villain and being brought to life in movies is a plus for this ranking, which Jake Gyllenhaal does to perfection.
Vulture
Again, I’m just a fan of this guy’s whole thing. Whether he’s a guy in an actual bird costume or a guy in a metallic bird costume, I’m digging it. Michael Keaton portraying him places him easily on the Mount Rushmore.
Do They Say the Title of the Movie In the Movie: This suffers from the same problem that Spider-Man 3 does.
Chance My Dad Cries While Watching This: 2%
No, But Really: This should have been so much better than it is. Similar to Spider-Man 3, there is simply too much going on in this movie for it to work. The villains are half-baked and I’m struggling to remember specific scenes from this movie, even after watching it just a couple weeks ago. What sucks is that Andrew Garfield gives what could potentially be the best Peter Parker/Spider-Man performance we’ve seen so far, but it’s almost wasted in a sub-par movie. However, despite all of what I just said, this is way better than the superhero slop we’re getting in 2025. We didn’t know how good we had it, and I’d much rather revisit this than most of the stuff since Avengers: Endgame.
Movies in Theaters
You don’t need to go see these.
Captain America: Brave New World (2025)
AKA: WTF are we doing?
This was fucking brutal.
There's no other way to put it; this movie was flat-out bad. I always try to give movies the benefit of the doubt: Did they accomplish what they were trying to do? Was this for a different audience other than me? But this movie doesn't work at all. I'm just gonna list a few of its problems. I may spoil some stuff but considering nothing happens in this movie I don't even know what I can spoil.
1. This movie has like 12 writers, which is a universal sign that a movie is going to suck. No movie that has had as many rewrites as this has ever been good.
2. Harrison Ford is too old to be President Ross. I love Harrison Ford, he's one of my favorite actors of all time, but similar to a lot of our politicians today, he shouldn't be in office in this movie. He does his best, but his character should be 15-20 years younger.
3. Ford and Anthony Mackie tried their best, and the movie wasn't worse because of them, but they had no chance with the amount of rewrites and reshoots that this movie had.
4. This movie looks horrible. There were multiple times that I audibly groaned at how bad the CGI was, how fake the surroundings looked, etc. Everything is shot on a blue screen stage nowadays and it shows.
5. I could go on forever, but I'll stop it at 5. The biggest problem with this movie is that it's not even a Captain America movie! It's essentially a sequel to The Incredible Hulk.
Oh, you have no idea what movie I'm talking about? Are you telling me that you haven't seen or heard of The Incredible Hulk from 2008 starring Edward Norton? Yeah, Edward Norton used to play the Hulk before Mark Ruffalo. The Incredible Hulk was the 2nd movie in the MCU and has mostly been buried and forgotten by the MCU since then. The lead actor got recast and none of the events from the movie were connected to the other MCU movies in any way, outside of Thunderbolt Ross showing up in Captain America: Civil War. But Brave New World decided to do the really smart thing and use that movie that only true MCU completists have seen (or even remember) and use plot points and characters from that movie to propel the plot of this movie. The biggest example of this is the "big bad" from Brave New World. It's, of course, The Master. Oh, you have no idea who The Master is either? Maybe that's because Tim Blake Nelson's character from The Incredible Hulk is only barely alluded to turning into the comic book villain before being absent for the last 17 years in the MCU until this movie.
It's bad all the way around and things have never looked direr for superhero movies. There are 3 more checkpoints this year before we can take a health status of superhero movies as a whole. First is Thunderbolts*. This is the least important of the 3, but if it performs on the same level as Brave New World then the tentpole movies in the summer only need to perform better. Those movies are, of course, Superman from DC and The Fantastic 4 from Marvel. If these movies don't work then it might be over. DC and Marvel, respectively, need these movies to work. If they fail, it doesn't mean that they'll stop making superhero movies, but if they don't work then it's probably the end of superhero movies as we know them. It's been a slow death so far but we'll see if the pulse stops completely come this summer.
What a bummer.
Do They Say the Title of the Movie In the Movie: Yeah but who cares.
Chance My Dad Cries While Watching This: -20%
No, But Really: Sigh. This movie sucks. The more time passes since I watched it the worse it gets in my mind. Nothing happens, it looks atrocious, and it’s so bland that I wanted to scream. Sure, there are a couple of cool fight scenes that act as a defibrillator trying to revive the corpse of this movie, but they can’t spark enough life into a Frankenstein’s monster of a movie. It’s not worth the time, and the state of superhero movies has never been more dire.
-Alex Ovechkin is so good at hockey.
—10 goals away
-—I’ll be in Chicago in a week.
——Please sir, may I have a job?
——-I still love da movies.