Hotel Rooms Should Always Be Cold.
65° or less.
Welcome to the blog everyone!
Just a quick breakdown of the blog for any new readers:
I ramble for a bit and give an update on my life and what I’m thinking about this week
I talk about the movies I watched recently (usually in the last week but I’m still catching up)
I do some rankings, ask some hypothetical questions (ex: what are the chances my dad cries while watching this movie?), and then I give my no frills, no jokes review
We ignore grammar errors here at the blog. Give me a break.
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What’s up?
I told you I’d be doing 2 blogs a week more regularly and I’m here to fulfill that promise (just in case you’re keeping track Phenneger).
I also told you guys that I’d finish my recap of my most recent road trip in this blog since I have nothing better to talk about. Last time we spoke I was in Van Horn, Texas and we’d just finished day 4. Let’s jump right in.
Day 5: Van Horn, Texas - Guadalupe Mountain National Park - Carlsbad Caverns National Park - Roswell, New Mexico
Woke up early, grabbed the complimentary breakfast from the motel, and got on the road towards Guadalupe Mountain National Park on the border of Texas and New Mexico.
Author’s Note: I’ve figured out that the complimentary breakfast is the key to a successful road trip. Here’s why:
It gets you up early and on the road. These places only have breakfast out from 6:00-9:00, and, let’s be honest, if you’re not getting there before 8:00 all the “good” stuff is gonna be long gone.
It saves time on the road. When you grab breakfast, you usually don’t need to stop for lunch. Instead, just have a granola bar or some almonds when you’re hungry in the middle of the day. That’ll hold you over till dinner and it’ll save you some money.
It’s free food. Take all that you can carry. I’d typically take 2-3 applies, 2-3 oranges, a banana or two, and whatever else I actually was gonna be eating for breakfast that day. I usually snag a couple granola bars too just to round it out.
So, with my breakfast secured, I started the drive. Something I was not expecting on this road trip was snow. That is exactly what I encountered at Guadalupe Mountain National Park. Not falling, but on the ground on my hike. It was freezing cold, I was slipping everywhere, but I could not have been having a better time out there in nature. If I could do that every day I would. I also met a nice guy named Randy while I was out there. Shoutout Randy if you’re reading (you’re not, you have no way of finding this blog).
After GMNP, I made the short drive to Carlsbad Caverns National Park. This was one of the highlights of the entire trip. Being down in those caverns was unlike anything I’ve ever done before. It was like being in space and being underwater at the same time. It was so freaking cool; I must’ve taken 150 shitty photos while I was down there. I was also able to find “The Big Tit,” which was legitimately a really special moment for me. Not a ton of people are gonna understand what the hell I’m talking about, but it was a full-circle moment that I will not go into further. #RollingThunder
After Carlsbad, I finished the day by driving to Roswell, New Mexico. I wanted to stay there because of all the UFO/alien stuff (the first big UFO sighting was in Roswell back in 1947) and because it was a good spot that set me up for the next day’s drive. Just a warning for anyone planning on staying in Roswell: don’t. This was the low point of the drive by a mile. It was most likely because of the motel I was staying at, and I’m sure Roswell is a lovely town, but I will not be returning, especially to the Clarion Inn and Suites. Holy shit was this hotel terrible. It was definitely a front for something else because I swear I was the only person staying there. On top of that, my hotel room was 47° when I got there and while I love it when my hotel room is cold, that was a little much, even for me. There were a number of other bad things that made me hate Roswell, but I’m gonna move on for all of our sakes.
Also, to tie it back to the title of this blog, if you don’t set your hotel thermostat to it’s lowest temperature the second you check in, I don’t know what you’re doing. Sleeping in a cold hotel room is one of the most comfortable sleeps of your life.
Day 6: Roswell, New Mexico - White Sands National Park - Albuquerque, New Mexico
Day 6 started with me getting the hell out of the Clarion Inn and Suites, (and Roswell) as fast as I could. On the agenda for the day were a couple of quick pit stops (the World’s Largest Pistachio, the Old Apple Barn/Apple Boy statue, etc.) but the main stop was White Sands National Park. And…there’s not much to report. Just like the Indiana Dunes National Park, it’s truly just sand. Sure, it’s cool for the first few minutes and on the drive in, but it doesn't get any better than that. Driving through the dunes was the best part. It’s worth the stop if you’re trying to cross all of the National Parks off your list like I am, but other than that, it’s not really worth the detour.
I ended the day by driving to Albuquerque. It was the first “big city” I’d stayed in for a few days and it was nice to be back in some sort of actual civilization. I was going to make some pit stops at places from Breaking Bad while I was there, but since I’m only on Season 3 right now, I didn’t think it’d be right. I haven’t earned it yet. The motel in ABQ was one of the better ones of the trip and it was a nice change of pace from the night before. Combine that with a great dinner from a Mexican restaurant and I was #winning.
Day 7: Albuquerque, New Mexico - Petrified Forest National Park - Flagstaff, Arizona
Not a ton to report from Day 7. Outside of my stop at the Petrified Forest National Park, I did nothing else. The Petrified Forest was a pretty sweet stop, though. It was a combo stop with the Painted Desert, but it was so damn cold and windy that, outside of a couple of quick hikes, I just drove through the park. Which, regardless of the weather, is the best way to do it, in my opinion. You get to see the entire park, and there are stops along the whole drive, so you get to do pretty much everything. But like I said, I didn’t do anything else between there and Flagstaff. Oh, except for the stop at the Meteor Crater. It’s the largest and best preserved meteor crater in the world so I thought it would be worth the short detour. Probably not worth the $30 entrance fee, but you’re only on the road once, right?
Thankfully, the drive for this day was sub-8 hours and I got to Flagstaff at a reasonable hour. And since it was Friday night and I wanted to live it up, I decided to splurge for dinner.
A Caniac combo from Raising Cane’s, a chocolate milkshake from Culver’s, a salad-in-a-bag from the grocery store, and an orange from a motel in Texas.
It was the best dinner ever.
Day 8: Flagstaff, Arizona - Grand Canyon National Park - Las Vegas, Nevada
The day started like each day had started in the last week. I woke up early, grabbed my complimentary breakfast, packed up my car, and hit the road. It was a 2+ hour drive/detour to the Grand Canyon, and I had to be in Las Vegas by 5:00, so I got on the road early. When I told my parents that I was going to the Grand Canyon, they incredulously asked me why, since I’d been there before back in the day.
It may have been one of the dumbest questions I’d ever been asked.
First off, that was like 12 years ago when I was at the Grand Canyon last. Second, how many times in my will I get the chance to go to the Grand Canyon? When you get the chance to go to the Grand Canyon, you go to the Grand Canyon.
But goddamn, was it cold. 32°, which I was not entirely prepared for, and that was not taking into account the wind chill, and the wind was whipping like nothing else. I’ll tell you, though, when you’re at the Grand Canyon, you quickly forget that you’re cold. Why? Because, well, you’re at the Grand Canyon. I did a great hike, and I met some nice hikers, some of whom were also from the DMV area (small world). They wished me good luck for the game I was planning my entire day around. You may have read about it a couple of blogs ago so I won’t go into details.
After the Grand Canyon, it was straight to Las Vegas. When I told my friends that I was staying in Vegas but wasn’t going to a casino, they reacted as if I had killed their dog. Well, everyone except for Ouida, of course. He wouldn’t care about that since he’s afraid of animals because he can’t talk to them (true story). But he was the most pissed. He kept telling me that I was doing Vegas wrong. I didn’t care, though, because my team was going to the NFC Conference championship (we’re not gonna talk about what happened in that game).
I stayed in a hostel in Las Vegas. And when I say Las Vegas, I do not mean the strip. If Vegas was tiered like the New York theater system (Broadway, Off-Broadway, etc.), I was staying in off-off-off-The Strip. On the street that my hostel was on, there were 5-6 wedding chapels, a couple of brothels/strip clubs, and countless homeless people. Oh, and the hostel didn’t have room in their parking lot, so I had to park my car a 10-minute walk away at an uncovered parking lot for the night. Thankfully, it was still there when I came back the next morning. You couldn’t bring me down from Cloud 9 that night, though. I grabbed a couple of slices of great pizza and had an apple from a motel in New Mexico for dinner before falling asleep in my shared room with my 11 other bunkmates for the night.
Day 9: Las Vegas, Nevada - Los Angeles, California
While I made a few stops on my drive back to my apartment, I was pretty confident that it wouldn’t be the last time I’d be making this particular drive so I didn’t stop at every little thing I could have. There’s not much to report from this day if I’m honest. It was just great to be back in my apartment at the end of the day and back to sleeping in my own bed.
I’ll always appreciate my opportunities to go on road trips. I hope it’s not the last time I get the chance to go on one, and I’m looking forward to my next. There are still 6 National Parks in California that I haven’t been to, so I know what my next trip will be. I also know that I’m very fortunate to be given the opportunity to take trips like this, and I couldn’t be more thankful. Sometimes, it pays to not have a job. Except it doesn’t pay at all and you actually just lose money very fast because, again, you’re not getting paid and life costs money.
My current job is trying to get a job. We’re making some progress, though, so fingers crossed.
Recommendations for the Week
I had a great time doing the recommendations like I did them last week, but since that intro I just wrote was pretty long and it’s already 2:30 am, I’m gonna do them without the blurb today. Does anyone listen to my recommendations? I have no idea. But I’m still gonna keep doing them every week for the potential person who does. If that person exists, I got you. And thanks.
National Treasure (2004)
Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989)
Romancing the Stone (1984)
Quiz Show (1994)
Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Alright, let’s do this thing.
I’ve never really plugged this before, but go check out the Master Index Sheet blog. It’s just a tracker of all of the movies I’ve written about on the blog that has hyperlinks directly to the entries. So if you watch something and you think I may have written about it, take a look here!
And as always, go check out The Vault if you need something to watch. It’s got everything I’ve watched since 2018 on there with my reviews.
Alright, on to the blog.
Movies count for the year: 23
Doc count for the year: 2
Movies at Home
Inching ever closer to having no life. I actually think we’re up to December of 2024 with these ones. Of course, that doesn't take into account all of the rewatches I did in 2024 that I haven’t written about yet. Eh, I’ll get to them eventually.
Big Trouble in Little China (1986)
AKA: Kurt Russell saves San Francisco.
What an absolutely batshit crazy movie!
I wish I could have been in the meeting when they pitched this movie. Here’s how I imagine it:
Shut your eyes and imagine this. Ok, now open them because you have to read to know what to imagine. Then shut your eyes.
John Carpenter walks into an office with the 20th Century Fox execs. At this point he’s already directed Halloween, The Thing, and Escape From New York, among others. Sure, his movies may not always do the best at the box office, but he’s yet to make a “bad” movie. The execs ask him what he’s looking to make next. He tells them this:
The movie is set in San Francisco’s Chinatown. A big rig driver rolls into town, he tries to help his friend pick a girl up from the airport, and chaos ensues. There’s magic, monster creatures (naturally), and rival gangs fighting over ancient, unresolved conflicts. Oh, and we don’t explain anything to the audience. Also, Kurt Russell is gonna be the lead because he’s the lead in all of my movies now.
The execs look at him, look at each other, and ask him how much he needs to make it. You know why? Because he’s John Carpenter in 1986. He can get anything made.
Everyone talks about Martin Scorsese and Robert De Niro as the GOAT director/actor duo, but the John Carpenter/Kurt Russell is sneaky pretty freaking great.
In order: Elvis (1979), Escape from New York (1981), The Thing (1982), Big Trouble in Little China (1986), Escape From LA (1996).
Outside of the bookends, that back-to-back-to-back of Escape from New York, The Thing, and Big Trouble in Little China is, in my opinion, one of the best back-to-back-to-back runs for a director/actor combo, full stop.
I wish I could talk about this movie more, but, in all honesty, I can’t think of a way to talk about it. Not because it’s bad or because I don’t want to; I actually loved this movie and I would happily watch it again. It’s just that it’s truly so insane that anything I tell you will ruin something from the plot or will make absolutely no sense without the context. Just go check this movie out and then we can talk about it. I legitimately think that if I talked about what happens in this movie you wouldn’t believe me.
Do They Say the Title of the Movie In the Movie: I highly doubt it (I don’t remember)
Is this movie hornier than Nosferatu?: Not even close.
Chance My Dad Cries While Watching This: 2%
No, But Really: This movie is an absolute blast. For someone like John Carpenter, who is the king of horror, to do something as fun as this was a surprise to me, but man did I have a good time with it. The plot is absolutely bonkers and makes no sense but that doesn’t matter at all. Kurt Russell is a charisma machine and is perfect in this movie. He’s a very underrated leading man. I’d recommend this to everyone. I can’t guarantee you’ll love it, but I think it’s impossible not to have a fun time watching.
Tombstone (1993)
AKA: Kurt Russell saves Arizona.
Dude. Yes.
I wrote down a few things after I watched this movie. One of those things was that this is the best mustache movies of all time. There was just something about the mid-to-late 1800s, man. Back then, if you were a guy, you simply had to have good facial hair to be taken seriously. I mean, look at our presidents from that time period for god’s sake:
Those are some powerful beards and mustaches from the POTUSes (POTUSi?) But I’m getting sidetracked (as usual). To tie this back to Tombstone, this is all to say that men were men back in Tombstone, AZ in 1881.
I know we talk a lot about loaded casts nowadays, but the core 4 from this movie is like the ‘27 Yankees. Ok, maybe not that good. How about the 2013 Seahawks?
Kurt Russell. Val Kilmer. Sam Elliott. Bill Paxton.
Are you kidding me? And all four of these guys are badass retired law enforcers who get pulled back into their work because a cowboy gang is harassing their new home? I’m in 100000% percent of the time for that movie. Luckily, that is exactly what this movie is.
You already read about Kurt Russell a few minutes ago in the Big Trouble in Little China section, I talked about Sam Elliott in my entry on Road House a little while back, I talked about Bill Paxton when I wrote about Twister over the summer, and I talked about Val Kilmer in last week’s blog about Batman Forever. This leaves me at a crossroads on what else to talk about. What I will highlight is that Val Kilmer gives, far and away, the best performance of this movie. Kurt Russell is the quarterback of this movie, and Paxton and Elliott are the 3 and the 4 guys off the bench who make their clutch shots here and there, but Kilmer pitches a perfect game. Yes, that was a mix of 3 different sports analogies, but trust me, they all make sense.
All in all, I left this movie with the same thought I have after watching any Western:
Living in the Wild West looked like the coolest and the worst place to ever live.
I’ll be your Huckleberry.
Do They Say the Title of the Movie In the Movie: Plenty of times.
Is This Movie Hornier Than Nosferatu?: Absolutely not.
Chance My Dad Cries While Watching This: 87%
No, But Really: This movie rocks. It’s not perfect by any means, but it’s got so much going for it that the positives outweigh the negatives and the WTFs of it all. Val Kilmer in particular is unreal as Doc Holliday. Action-packed, funny, and cool as can be, I’d recommend this to pretty much anyone. Solid western pick if you’re looking for a more modern take on the genre.
The Longest Yard (1974)
AKA: No, not the Adam Sandler one.
You just read it in the AKA, but I’ll say it again: if you are coming here to hear me talk about the Adam Sandler version of this movie, unfortunately, you have come to the wrong place. Today, we’ll be discussing the Burt Reynolds original that the 2005 remake is based on.
…
Ah, who am I kidding? I have to talk about it a little bit. The Longest Yard (2005) is one of those movies that I think I’ve only seen from start to finish once but have seen 5 or 6 times total through bits and pieces. I distinctly remember where I was the first time I saw it. It was in Luke Mueller’s house (the same place I was obsessed with finishing that Optimus Prime transformer). There are two things I remember seeing in this house for the first time:
The Longest Yard (2005)
Nitro Circus
I’d be hard-pressed to think of two movies that a 4th grader could enjoy more. Here’s a compilation of Nitro Circus stunts that I got sidetracked watching as I was writing this:
I always thought that Travis Pastrana (famous BMXer and one of the main guys from Nitro Circus) being from Maryland was the coolest thing ever. One of my best friends from elementary school lived across the street from him and used the BMX course in his backyard all the time. I was very jealous even though I didn’t know how to do anything BMX-related, and I’d be too scared to use any of it.
But that’s all besides the point.
We’re here to talk about Burt Reynolds’ The Longest Yard, not Adam Sandler’s. Even though Burt was in Adam Sandler’s version. Sandler played Burt’s character from the original (Paul Crewe), and Burt played a different character from the original (Coach Nate Scarborough). It’s all quite silly, but hey, that’s movies for you.
I was pretty surprised at just how similar the two versions of The Longest Yard are. They’re almost 100% identical, except I recognized a hell of a lot more football players who starred in the newer version compared to the ones who starred in the OG version.
Last thing is my favorite fun fact about Burt Reynolds.
He actually played running back at Florida State University for a couple of years in the 50s before injuries ended his career. What’s more, is that he was roommates with Lee Corso while he was at FSU. For those of you who don’t know who Lee Corso is, I’m truly sorry for what you’ve missed out on in your lives. That guy is a national treasure. Should he keep being trotted onto College Gameday at his age? Probably not. But damn if I don’t love seeing him put on that mascot head whenever he’s there.
Bonus: My favorite video on the internet. I die laughing every time I watch it (just did while proofreading this at 2:45 in the morning).
Do They Say the Title of the Movie In the Movie: I’m gonna be honest, I don’t remember.
Is this movie hornier than Nosferatu?: While Burt Reynolds was one of our horniest movie stars, he can’t compete with Nosferatu.
Chance My Dad Cries While Watching This: 49%
No, But Really: While I grew up on the Adam Sandler version of this movie, I can totally appreciate this version for what it is. It’s 70s to the core and is definitely a “better” movie than the Adam Sandler version, but I can’t tell which one I like better. The Sandler one is my generation, and I’ve seen it more times, but this version feels more legit and gritty which I like a lot. I gotta say, though, while the football is undeniably retro compared to today, the football scenes are a feat in and of themselves, probably the best part of the movie.
-Comment a movie recommendation for me! I’ll add it to the list
—It’s almost the weekend
—I have no plans (per usual)
—-I need to start writing these earlier in the night
——If anyone has legit ideas on how to make money; please let me know
Love Rise of the Guardians
Have you seen Wild Things? (1998)