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Just a quick breakdown of the blog for any new readers:
I ramble for a bit and give an update on my life and what I’m thinking about this week
I talk about the movies I watched recently (usually in the last week but I’m still catching up)
I do some rankings, ask some hypothetical questions (ex: what are the chances my dad cries while watching this movie?), and then I give my no frills, no jokes review
We ignore grammar errors here at the blog. Give me a break.
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I know it’s been a while. I know I’ve told you all that I would be better. But I do not control the weather. How could I have known that 2025 would start with LA catching on fire while the rest of the country was covered in snow? A lot of shit has happened in the last couple of weeks that have prevented me from writing.
Seriously though, the fire situation out here has been terrible, and while I’ve been fortunate enough to have avoided any issues, way too many people have lost their homes and their possessions. Keep all of those people in your thoughts and prayers as the fires continue to rage on. Hopefully, they’ll get them under control soon.
Also, thanks to everyone who reached out to me to check in on my safety. I know that for most of you I’m the only person you know out here and I’ve become your token “LA person” but it seriously meant a lot. Getting texts from people I haven’t talked to in years was very nice. See? Now you can say you know someone who lives in California!
When the fires first started, they didn’t seem like too big of an issue (I never claimed to be the smartest guy). They were evacuating Santa Monica, which, in reality is only 5-6 miles away from me, but in LA math that’s 30+ minutes. So it felt like the fires were nowhere close to me when, in fact, I was essentially surrounded by them. This was from two Thursdays ago (Jan 9) when the fires were at their worst. For the sake of understanding, I live where Beverly Hills is in the picture.
So, overall?:
The whole mood shifted a couple of Wednesdays ago when a fire cropped up in Runyon Canyon, which is just a couple miles from my apartment. Once that happened and I could basically see fire from my place, I packed up my car and drove down to Newport Beach to meet up with some friends who had evacuated earlier that day. Safe to say that it was a bonding experience of sorts. Trauma bonding? Potentially. But bonding nonetheless.
But enough about that in this blog. I’ll talk more about by excursions in next week’s blog when I have more time. Today we’ve got more topical things to talk about.
Warning: What you are about to read contains a lot of glazing, sappiness, and glorifying. If you don’t want to throw up while reading you can always skip to the next section. Read at your own risk.
I cannot believe what I’m seeing.
In my entire life, that’s 23 years on this Earth, the Washington Redskins Football Team Commanders had won only 1 playoff game. That was in 2005. I was 4. In the past 2 weeks, they’ve won 2 playoff games. To say that I have no words to describe the feeling I have watching this team is an understatement. Something I have noticed though, and this may come as a surprise to some of you, is that winning is so much more fun than losing.
I’ve also run out of words to describe Jayden Daniels. I end my blog with it every week, but I fucking love the guy. I don’t think he understands the sheer amount of joy he has brought this tortured fanbase. Putting aside this entire season, which has been one sent down from heaven for the hell we had to go through when Dan Snyder owned the team, let’s take a look at these last two weeks.
The first playoff game was against the Tamba Bay Bucs. I just so happened to be in Tucson when this game was being played, so I found a Redskins bar in town to watch it. It wasn’t as dedicated and rambunctious as the bar I go to here in LA, but for those who were locked in, it was as thrilling of a game as I’ve ever seen. When that kick from our glorious OCD kicker doinked in to win the game I leaped out of my seat, started screaming, and gave out high fives to all my fellow fans surrounding me in the bar. I couldn’t stop smiling for the rest of the night. It was truly a feeling I had never felt before. How could I have? It was the first playoff win in my time on earth as a human being with a memory.
That was Saturday in Tucson. Let’s fast forward to Saturday in Las Vegas.
In the week between, all I could do was:
a. Think about how we won a playoff game and think happy thoughts.
b. Think about how we had to now play one of the Super Bowl favorites, the Detroit Lions (in Detroit), and be filled with fear and a bit of anxiety.
As much fear as I had, I spent the entire week going over game strategies on how we could win the game with my fellow Skins Football Team Commanders fan Matt Buchanan. While most of my friends from back home are Ravens fans (sorry about that loss on Sunday night by the way (not really)), I was lucky enough to find a fellow tortured fan at college in Buch. This is the first year since Junior year that we haven’t watched games together, so we’ve spent every single game this season texting each other live updates and reactions. The only problem is that we are rarely both watching the same play at the same time. That’s because at least one of us (usually Buch) is a play or two behind since we watch the games on illegal streaming sites (RIP Methstreams/Crackstreams, you are dearly missed). But despite the countless times I’ve “spoiled” plays for him because of his delayed stream, we’ve kept doing it, all the way through these playoffs.
So, as Saturday rolled around, Buch and I had established the game plan we needed to have a chance to beat the Lions. Did this mean absolutely anything? No. Had we shared this hard data and game plan with the coaching staff? Also no. But who cares? Belief is all that matters and we had that in spades.
At this point in my journey, I was in Las Vegas (I’ll explain next week). This time, the Redskins bar I found was more dedicated and rambunctious than the bar I go to in LA. I met a couple of guys as we all waited to find a table and we ended up sitting together for the entire game. It was the first in-person interaction/conversation I had with another human in 9 days so it was much appreciated. But none of that mattered. All that mattered was beating the Lions. And guess what?
We fucking did.
We beat a team that was favored by 8.5 points by 14. We won the turnover battle 5-0. We punted for the first time in the playoffs. We did all of that and so many other things that I’ve been hoping this team could do my entire life. I’ve documented this numerous times in the blog, but before this past weekend, one of the happiest moments as a fan was when Dan Snyder sold the team. That was the start of something that no one, and I mean no one, could have seen coming. Our projected win total this season was 6.5. We’ve now won 14. This team was supposed to suck ass and we fans were content with that. As long as Jayden Daniels looked alright and looked like a QB we could potentially build around, that was all that mattered. Safe to say that those expectations were shattered and then some.
The emotions in this bar were off the charts during the game. Every play there was a reaction from the entire crowd. Jubilation, despair, stress, anger, and everything in between. The joy with which the entire bar yelled the lyrics to “Hail to the Redskins” after every touchdown was infectious. The bar was giving out jello shots after every touchdown, ran out because we scored too many, and resorted to giving out actual shots. Seems like a little bit of underestimating the Skins but I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt here. Near the end of the 4th, with the Commies up by 17, my phone started blowing up with texts of congratulations from friends and family. But I wasn’t content yet. Along with everyone in that bar, I had seen this movie too many times. This shitty team we all rooted for being up late, a win firmly in their grasp, and letting it slip through their fingers in ridiculous ways. So no one in the bar was happy. If anything, being up 17 with 5 minutes left in the game was when the bar was the most stressed. People, myself included, were pacing around the bar, watching as the seconds ticked closer and closer to 0:00. The PTSD this fan base has suffered in the last 25 years has given us scars and has prevented us from believing. Surely we’d find a way to blow this game.
But this is not the same team I’ve been rooting for my entire life.
This is a team that has a future that is bright, as long as Jayden Daniels is playing for us and is healthy. All year I’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop and it hasn’t yet. This season has been magical and since we’ve been playing with house money all season, there’s not really any pressure. I can’t describe to you the pure bliss that filled that bar when Jared Goff threw his final pick of the game, Jayden took a knee for the final play, and the clock finally hit 0:00. I saw tears, voices (including my own) were getting lost from all the yelling, and hugs were being given out left and right. Some guy I met that night just a few years older than me gave me a bear hug and lifted me up so high that I had to koala him. Embarrassment went out the window. Nothing, and I mean nothing, could bring me down from the high I felt after that game.
This is already the latest in an NFL season that I’ve had a team to root for. We’re now 1 game away from the Super Bowl, which is honestly something I thought I’d never say. Sure, we have to play the Eagles. Sure, it’s in Philly. Sure, Saquon’s rushing yards line is the highest in Draft Kings history (130.5). Sure, they’re the better team. Sure, we’re 6 point underdogs. Who cares?
We’ve got Jayden.
Alright, enough glazing. Let’s get to the movies.
Mea Culpa. Translation: I Fucked Up
The section where I hold myself accountable.
What I messed up last week: Since no one points anything out to me I guess I’m just perfect. Fine with me.
As always, check out my Recommendations for the Week if you’re looking for a movie to watch (updated every week)!
And as always, go check out The Vault if you need something to watch. It’s got everything I’ve watched since 2018 on there with my reviews. I’m working on 2024 right now, those movies will be up soon.
Alright, on to the blog.
Movies count for the year: 10
Doc count for the year: 0
Movies at Home
Inching ever closer to having no life.
Some comic book movies this week.
Batman Forever (1995)
AKA: The one with Val Kilmer.
This was the last live-action Batman movie I hadn’t seen. For the sake of this statement, I’m not counting Batman v. Superman. I don’t think that movie should count regardless, but it’s on most lists online when you look up “live-action Batman movies.” Whatever, I don’t give a shit, in my book I’ve finally crossed off all of the live-action Batman movies that are available to see.
I watched this for a couple of reasons:
It was the last Batman movie I hadn’t seen.
It was #49 on The Ringer’s list of the “50 Best Superhero Movies of All Time”
There’s now only one movie left on that list that I haven’t seen. #50: The Crow (1994). I’ll get to it eventually. It only took me 4 years since this list came out for me to watch Batman Forever. It may take me another 4 to get to The Crow.
The main thing that I took away from this movie is that it is absolutely insane. It’s truly amazing to see where we’re at with the Batman character in 2025 compared to where we were in 1995. Hell, let’s look at the first Batman movie after Batman Forever. For the sake of this exercise, we’re going to be excluding Batman & Robin. I know it’s terrible, but I liked it when I saw it as an 8 year old. I haven’t seen it since nor do I plan on it. I’m happy with my memories. So, anyway, if you look at 1995 Batman compared to 2005 Batman (Batman Begins) there could not be more of a stark contrast. Gone are the bright colors, the one-liners, and, most importantly, the fun. The Batman movies we’ve seen since Batman Begins (The Dark Knight, Dark Knight Rises, The Batman) all range from good to amazing but there’s a small part of me that misses the fun part of Batman that’s been a core tenet of the character since it’s inception in comics back in the 1940s. I love The Dark Knight and The Batman, but I wouldn’t be opposed to seeing a wacky Batman movie again. That’s just me though.
To close, here are some notes I wrote down after watching this movie back in October:
So many jaunty angles
This movie takes Dutch Angle to another level. Pound for pound the most Dutch Angles I’ve ever seen in a movie ever.
Jim Carrey doing the most
This is true in most movies, but goddamn.
Val Kilmer
I just like Val Kilmer even though I honestly haven’t seen many of his movies. It also makes me sad that he can’t really act anymore cause of his throat cancer.
Dude who plays Alfred 5 times
This is Michael Gough. As good as Michael Caine was as Alfred, Gough is the best Alfred Pennyworth. The man played Alfred from 1989-1997. That’s the equivalency of 4 presidencies! He was Alfred for Michael Keaton twice, Val Kilmer once, and George Clooney once. Throughout 4 movies, 3 Batmen, and 2 directors, he was the one constant. What a GOAT.
Just an absolutely insane movie
Not much explanation needed there.
How to watch the Batman movies in order (based on title alone):
I’m right. Think about it.
Batman Begins (2005)
Batman (1966)
Batman (1989)
The Batman (2022)
Batman Returns (1992)
Batman & Robin (1997)
The Dark Knight (2008)
The Dark Knight Rises (2012)
Batman Forever (1995)
Bonus Ranking of Batman Portrayals:
Note: I’m not including Batffleck (Ben Affleck) because he didn’t get a standalone movie.
Michael Keaton
Adam West
Christian Bale
Robert Pattinson (he could move up)
Val Kilmer
George Clooney
Do They Say the Title of the Movie In the Movie: Of course not. That would be insane.
Chance My Dad Cries While Watching This: 0%
No, But Really: There are a lot of fun moments from this movie but at the end of the day it’s not very good. If you turn off your brain and buy into what Joel Schumacher is selling you’ll have a good time and will probably enjoy yourself, but if you are looking for any realism or “believability” this is not for you. Val Kilmer is near the bottom of Batman actors, unfortunately, and if you don’t like Jim Carrey you will hate this movie. I liked what he and Tommy Lee Jones were doing but this is not one I’ll be revisiting any time soon.
Black Adam (2021)
AKA: A lump of shit in movie form.
I rarely do this, if ever, but I don’t think I’m gonna give this movie the respect of a blog entry. In short, this movie is simply not good. For all the hype The Rock mustered with this movie, a movie that he’s been working on getting made for more than a decade, it’s so bad. Some of the actors in it are giving it their best effort (I see you, Pierce Brosnan!) but man, there is basically nothing good I could take away from this movie. I only watched it because I was on a plane and I could see no other time at which I’d watch this movie. Sure, there were better options available, but I’ve established in this blog before that it’s hard for a movie to get deleted off my watchlist outside of me watching it. So I did what had to be done and subjected myself to this crappy movie.
I’m excited to see what James Gunn does with the DCU. What a failure the last 11 years have been for the DCEU. There were maybe two good movies that came out of that. Real quick, let’s go through it movie by movie:
Man of Steel (2013): Didn’t think it was very good at the time but it’s way better than some of the stuff we’ve gotten since then.
Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016): Heard it so bad that I still haven’t seen it.
Suicide Squad (2016): Terrible. I think this was the first time I realized that all movies weren’t good. I saw this in theaters and tried to unsuccessfully convince myself that I liked it.
Wonder Woman (2017): Hey, we got a good one! Well, 90% of a good movie at least. That final battle is where it falls apart for me.
Justice League (2017): Holy fuck is this a bad movie. That’s all I got.
Aquaman (2018): Not a good movie, but at least this one is fun (unlike any of the Zack Snyder movies).
Shazam! (2019): Another good one! Well, 90% of a good movie at least. The final battle is where it falls apart for me. Sensing a pattern?
Birds of Prey (2020): This movie doesn’t exist. Sure, I saw it in theaters and I had a good time, but have any of you even heard of this movie? That’s what I thought.
Wonder Woman 1984 (2020): Heard it was so bad that I still haven’t seen it. Sensing another theme here?
Zack Snyder’s Justice League (2021): I never gave myself the 4+ hours required to watch this. I heard it was better than the original Justice League but that’s a very low bar to clear.
The Suicide Squad (2021): The best movie out of this bunch by a wide margin. I wish I’d been able to see it in theaters.
Black Adam (2022): We’ve established that this sucks.
Shazam! Fury of the Gods (2023): Heard it was so bad that I still haven’t seen it. 2 times is a coincidence, 3 times is a pattern.
The Flash (2023): One of the worst movies I saw in 2023. Such a letdown. I don’t know what they were thinking.
Blue Beetle (2023): This movie doesn’t exist.
Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom (2023): It was fun but I can’t tell you one thing that happens in this movie.
Alright, let’s check the final tally. 16 movies in the DCEU.
1 great movie (The Suicide Squad).
2 solid movies (Wonder Woman, Shazam!).
3 not very good-but-fun movies (Aquaman, Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom, Birds of Prey).
1 pretty bad movie (Man of Steel).
4 terrible movies that I’ve seen (Suicide Squad, The Flash, Black Adam, Justice League).
1 movie that doesn't exist (Blue Beetle).
4 movies I haven’t seen cause of how bad they are (Batman v. Superman, Wonder Woman 1984, The Snyder Cut, Shazam! The Fury of the Gods)
I’ll give them a generous 4/16 hit rate. That’s 25%. That’s worse than Charles Barkley’s career 3-point percentage. That’s really hard to do.
Like, nearly impossible to do, in fact.
RIP the DCEU. You will not be missed.
*Author’s Note: Would you look at that? I got tricked (by myself) into giving Black Adam an entry. What an idiot.*
Do They Say the Title of the Movie In the Movie: Yeah, plenty. Who cares.
Chance My Dad Cries While Watching This: 0%
No, But Really: One of the most boring superhero movies I’ve seen (and I’ve seen a lot of superhero movies). The hero is boring, I can’t even remember who the villain is, and the few bright spots of the movie are blocked out by the bad CGI, the story being held together by a few strings, and The Rock giving a performance that made me want to pull my hair out. Don’t waste your time, there are so many other better superhero movies out there to watch.
300 (2007)
AKA: A 2 hour ad for baby oil and abs.
I guess I just don’t understand the hype. Or maybe I’ve just convinced myself that there was hype? Either way, whatever the case may be, this movie is not very good. I’m sorry to anyone who really likes this movie, but it had to be said. This movie had been stewing there on my watchlist for a couple of years before I sat down on a Friday night to watch it. A testament to how much I didn’t care about this movie? I started to fall asleep halfway through (which I very rarely do) and had to finish it on Saturday morning. A bit of advice: this movie is not meant to be seen at 9:00 am in the morning. However, regardless of what time I watched it, the movie simply doesn’t work.
Now, I’m fully aware that I may be in the minority here. This movie made $456 million at the box office and was the 10th highest-grossing movie of 2007. The internet is also in love with this movie, especially people around my age, so I’ve seen clips from this movie as long as I’ve had access to YouTube. I’ve also been to my share of sports games where this movie is an absolute staple. Full disclosure, it’s been a minute since I’ve been to a professional sports game so I can’t be entirely sure this is still the case, but I remember seeing the kick scene at every sports game I went to back in the day. Hell, that scene inspired a game my friends and I used to play at the pier:
Spartan Says.
It’s just like Simon Says, but when you mess up, Simon gets to Spartan kick you into the water while yelling “This is Sparta!”. I was playing this game when I was in 2nd grade, I’d never seen the movie, yet I knew exactly what we were mimicking. This movie is in the zeitgeist, plain and simple. If you like it, good on you. If you don’t like it (like me), good on you. Regardless, I think we can all agree that the two best scenes are the ones you’ve seen at every sports game you’ve ever been to:
Skip to 2:10 if you want.
Those do get me fired up, I’m not gonna lie.
But goddamn does this movie look like shit. I get that that is the style they were going for (this is based on a comic book, etc.) but the Zack Snyder “dark and stormy, CGI-riddled, slow-motion” style never appealed to me.
Do They Say the Title of the Movie In the Movie: The number 300 is said numerous times but not by itself.
Chance My Dad Cries While Watching This: 3%
No, But Really: This movie isn’t for me. Maybe it’s the Zack Snyder style, but I just don’t think it’s very good. I get that they were going for a comic book aesthetic, but it didn’t work for me and outside of the iconic clips you see at sports games I won’t be watching this one again.
-I love Jayden Daniels
—I’ve never been happier watching football
—-Saquon scares the hell out of me
——We’re playing with house money
———One game from the Super Bowl? Wtf is this?