Welcome back, everybody!
Just a quick breakdown of the blog for any new readers:
I ramble for a bit and give an update on my life and what I’m thinking about this week
I talk about the movies I watched recently (usually in the last week, but I’m still catching up)
I do some rankings, ask some hypothetical questions (ex: what are the chances my dad cries while watching this movie?), and then I give my no-frills, no-jokes review
We ignore grammar errors here at the blog. Give me a break.
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What’s up, everyone? I hope everyone’s post-Easter week is going well and you’re not going insane already because it’s only Tuesday (definitely not me).
*Editor’s Note: When the author wrote this section, it was Tuesday. He is aware it isn’t Tuesday anymore.*
I’m aware that I’ve been slacking recently. I mentioned in my last blog, but I was traveling and stuff, so I haven’t been settled enough to write. But if I’m being honest? I’m just tired from work. The number of things I want to do when I get home from work (7:00 pm at the absolute earliest) is high; the number of things I actually want to do is close to zero. The #1 thing I want to do is go to sleep, but I can’t do that because I need to have, say it with me now:
✨Work-Life Balance✨
I’ll figure it out eventually, just like I’m slowly figuring out what exactly I do at my job (primarily so I can explain it to people better), but the whole “work-life balance” thing is a tough motherfucker. Unfortunately, there are only so many hours in the day and days in the week. Maybe I should go back to being jobless.
*Author’s Note: If there is anyone from my work reading this, that last sentence above was a joke. Please do not let me go, I genuinely like working for you, plus I really need the paycheck. Living in Los Angeles is very expensive.*
In last week’s solo blog, I told you all about my perfect day. That happened more than a month ago now. Today, I’ll be glossing over my recent trip to Arizona (and San Antonio), which took place a couple of weeks ago. It’s been a busy month for your boy.
I’ll run through it as quickly as I can, which, if you’ve read this blog before, probably means I’ll have to split it into 2 parts.
*Editor’s Note: I just found out that before I write a single word outside of the “No, But Really” sections, each of these blogs is already over 1000 words. That’s insanity.*
Wednesday, April 2
I had just finished my 5th day of work the day before, so, naturally, I decided to go on vacation for a week.
My day started later than I wanted it to, so after a slapdash job of packing, I hit the road towards Phoenix. Not a very eventful car ride ensued. I made a couple calls to friends back home, listened to a few podcasts, and jammed out to some Gracie Abrams and Olivia Rodrigo before reaching the Phoenix International Airport. There, I met up with my friends whose flights had already gotten in.
Once in Phoenix, our first move was hitting the local Walmart for 2 very important things: beer and food (in that order). We stocked up on all of the essentials: red meat, chicken, lunch meat, and rice. The next couple of hours were spent at a bar waiting for our last travelers to land in Phoenix. By total luck, it also happened to be trivia night at this bar (we went 6/6 in the first round before having to leave, no big deal). Once we had everyone in our group, we made the trek to our Airbnb, which was juuuuust a bit farther outside of Phoenix than we thought.
Our first night consisted of cooking dinner, talking about sports, listening to music, and playing drinking games till 3 in the morning. As you keep reading, you may notice a pattern.
Thursday, April 3
It’s safe to say that we all woke up on Thursday earlier than we wanted to. I don’t mean that we didn’t want to get our day started early, but I think the fact that we stayed up till 3:30 meant we didn’t get the best rest of all time. Once we were able to corral all of the troops, we made our way to the nearby state park to do a hike. See, when we booked this Airbnb, we picked it for a number of reasons, but I can’t deny that this being the first picture on the listing didn’t sway us a tiny bit:
So, yeah, we did a hike at that big plateau in that picture. The plan was to do a short, easy 2-mile hike. Not everyone brought water, and we were certainly not prepared for what we ended up doing. As soon as we started on the trail, we made the calculated (and very smart) decision to abandon all use of maps and instead go off vibes alone (or that’s what it seemed like to me, at least). Well, these vibes led to us scaling rock faces and walking uphill through dry brush. The mantra of the hike was “see it through,” and I’d say we stuck to that mantra, or at least until we wanted to turn back.
After a quick pit stop at the house for sandwiches, we went right back out and made our way to the Rio Salado Sportsman’s Club to do some skeet shooting. In our research before coming to Phoenix, we found this gun club close to the Airbnb and figured it would be a fun thing to do during an afternoon. However, they made it a lot harder than we anticipated. When we tried to book something online…nothing. When we tried calling the phone number on their website…nothing. When we tried calling the phone number listed on Google (a different number than the one on the website for some reason)…nothing. So we didn’t really know what we were getting ourselves into.
As soon as we stepped out of the car at the gun club, I could tell we were out of place. It’s been a while since I’ve stuck out like a sore thumb as much as our group did at this gun club. To put it in perspective, out of our group, I think 40% had ever held a gun before, let alone shot one. Everyone at this range was a regular, had their own gun(s), and must have thought we looked like the biggest idiots walking around like chickens with our heads cut off, looking for the check-in station and laughing our asses off while we did it. After 10 minutes and numerous failed attempts, we found the building.
5 minutes later, we were on our way to the gun range with 2 shotguns and 500 shells. No orientation session, no safety tips, nothing. All we did was put one ID down, and the rest of us scribbled our names on a piece of paper. Good to go.
The next two hours were spent shooting clay pigeons. Some were hit, most were missed, but whenever I’m given the chance to participate in real-life Duck Hunt, it’s a good day.
Our time at the gun range ended with a competition between 2 teams. This is when the highlight of the day (and maybe my life) occurred. Each person from each team went once. We had 7 shots to shoot 7 targets (A, B, C, D, a double skeet of our choice, and a final solo skeet of our choice).
Our time at the range was winding down when I stepped up into the batter’s box (shooter’s box) and called for the first clay.
Hit.
Next clay.
Hit.
Quick stop to reload.
Third clay.
Hit.
Fourth clay.
Hit.
At this point, I couldn’t really believe what I was doing. Sure, I’d hit some clays that afternoon, but this run was crazy. With 3 shots left, I reloaded the shotgun and called for my double skeet shot.
I took my shot and hit both clays with one shot.
I couldn’t believe it, so much so that it didn’t register right away, and I started to aim for the second clay as it was falling. I was already playing with house money after going 4/4, but going 6/5 with a collat was pretty awesome. So, with my last shell in the chamber, I decided to risk it and called for a final clay, which I nailed, cementing my more than perfect round.
Legend has it that they’re still talking about my “7 clays with 6 shots” performance at the Rio Salado Sportsman Club to this day.
After my mythic performance at the gun club, which doubled as a walk-off performance, half of our group went to restock on food and beer while the other half went to Taco Bell for dinner. An hour later, we regrouped at the house, and I’ll let you take a guess at what we did. Say it with me now:
We cooked dinner, talked about sports, listened to music, and played drinking games until 3 in the morning.
Friday, April 4
Unsurprisingly, we all woke up later on Friday than we did on Thursday. It’s almost like we forgot we aren’t in college anymore and aren’t used to staying up till 3 every night. Regardless of how slow our start to the day was, we had made a plan to hike every day (or at least most of our group did), and we stuck to it. Once everyone was awake and somewhat back to their standard human function (2:00 pm), we loaded up the cars and headed to a lake. At said lake, we did a pretty sweet hike on the ridge of a ravine/canyon with the river that fed into the lake at the bottom.
Throughout most of the hike that lasted 2.5-ish hours, a few of us passed the time by playing The Name Game. The Name Game, for those of you who are unfamiliar, starts when one person says an athlete’s name (you can play with any category, but we do athletes because that’s what everyone knows the most of). Whichever athlete the first person says, the next person in the rotation has to say an athlete whose first name starts with the first letter of the previous player’s last name.
Example: Aaron Rodgers —> Roy Helu Jr. (legitimately the first person who came to my head) —> Henrik Lundqvist, etc., etc.
Also, if you give a double letter (Richard Rodgers, Jimmie Johnson, etc.), the rotation switches direction.
Without exaggeration, it might be the game that has given me the most entertainment in my life. There were multiple times in college when I played this game for 4+ hours with my friends without stopping. The best time was when we were on a bus going back to Wake Forest from the ACC Championship game in Charlotte. We’d just gotten our hearts ripped out by Pitt, Kenny Pickett, and a fake slide, so vibes were low on the bus. I should say, this was a charter-type bus that probably had 70-ish people on it. It was also 11 pm, and everyone was exhausted.
That didn’t stop a group of us from playing The Name Game the entire ride home. Safe to say we were not the most popular people on campus that night. Numerous YikYak messages about guys on one of the buses keeping everyone up and going crazy when they thought of a deep cut name were sent out that night as well.
I had fun, so I didn’t really care.
Where was I? Oh yeah, that hike in Arizona.
When we finished the hike, we went to Walmart yet again to restock on food and beer. You’d think that we’d be better prepared at this point, seeing that this was our 3rd trip to Walmart for food and beer in the last 3 days, but then again, that would be thinking much too highly of us. Once our pit stop was complete, we made our way back to the Airbnb, where we grilled burgers and dogs, watched the sunset, and hung out outside till it got dark.
We finished the night by doing what we did best: talking about sports, listening to music, playing drinking games, and staying up till 3 am.
Not everyone in our group participated in the games, however. There was a small, yet fierce, faction of our group who spent the entire night (between 4 and 7 hours) watching/listening to Sabrina Carpenter, Gracie Abrams, Olivia Rodrigo, Dua Lipa, Megan Maroney, Tate McRae, and Miley Cyrus music videos and concerts.
The boys love girly pop, what can I say?
The duality of man.
The rest of us organized a Decathlon of sorts, consisting of a number of drinking games (11 to be exact), in which two teams could compete. The sportsmanship started off strong, but, like with every “organized” competition involving alcohol, it slowly devolved into chaos, disorganization, and general disinterest. According to our incoherent scoreboard, it looks like we got through 8 of the games, with the score tied at 4-4 between the teams. Why we stopped on a tie, I cannot tell you.
Saturday, April 5
I will continue (and finish) this weekend/vacation recap in the next blog. I’m already up to 5,400 words and I don’t want to bore you all anymore than I already have.
To be continued…
I made a new website. It’s basically the same as the old Vault, but it’s been given a makeover and the movies and documentaries I watched in 2024 are now available as well. If you check it out please give me suggestions on how I can make it better. And let me know if there are any issues I need to fix.
Check it out here!
Alright, on to the blog.
Movies count for the year: 60 (I’m slacking)
Doc count for the year: 10
Total movie count on the blog: 270
Keeping Movie Theaters Alive
Go see these (if they’re still out). If I get one singular person to go see a movie in theaters because they read my blog, that will be my peak in life.
A Working Man (2025)
AKA: The Beekeeper, but not as fun.
Last January, I took a leap of faith and went to see a little movie called The Beekeeper. It turned out to be a surprise hit of 2024 and answered the question: "Does an audience still want to see Jason Statham beat up and kill bad guys in creative and destructive ways?" The answer to this question is, obviously: "Duh". In The Beekeeper, Statham's character is, wait for it, a beekeeper. I'll give you 1000 guesses at what his character is in this movie...
I really hope you guessed that he’s a working man.
More specifically, he plays a construction worker/manager, or, in other words, a working man. For this top-notch creativity, we can thank none other than Sylvester "Sly" Stallone. Yes, that's correct, Sylvester Stallone wrote this movie. Now, I'm looking at his IMDb, and Stallone has written a surprising number of movies. Despite this, his problem is that he'll literally never be able to surpass his first script, Rocky.
Sure, he's written numerous Rocky, Rambo, and Expendables movies since 1976, but if your first movie was Rocky, everything you write after it will be compared to it, which is forever a losing battle. However, if your first script was Rocky, you will forever be given the green light to write movies because there's a chance (a slim one, but still a chance) that you'll write Rocky again. Is The Working Man on the same tier as Rocky? Abso-fucking-lutely not.
One thing is clear though, Sylvester Stallone is great at writing movies where the main character beats the living shit out of people, which is what this movie is almost entirely about.
I'll give it to Jason Statham, he has found his niche. And you know what? He's fucking great at what he does. You know what else? He's pretty much always been doing this. Now, his first couple movies with Guy Ritchie (Lock, Stock & Snatch) aren't like this, but pretty much everything else he's been in, he's played a variation of the same character: a one-man, indestructible killing machine. I mean, the guy knows who he is and he knows what puts asses in seats. Simply put, people love to see Jason Statham beat people up (at least I know I do).
One more thing before I move on. I just need you all to know that Jason Statham used to be a diver on the British National Diving Team and got 12th place at the World Championships in 1992. It's one of my favorite fun facts about an actor, and now you all know about it (at least the people who read this far do anyway).
Do They Say the Title of the Movie In the Movie: I kid you not, the people in my theater laughed out loud when they said it in the movie. It might be the best one yet.
Chance My Dad Cries While Watching This: 0%
No, But Really: Look, this movie isn’t “good” by any means, but if you’re into gritty action movies where a guy becomes a one-man army and avenges something, then this will be right up your alley. However, it’s certainly the lesser version of that, and I’d pick John Wick over it any day. I will say, you can’t really go wrong with Jason Statham, though. He doesn’t make a movie worse when he’s in it, and I’m all the way in on watching him become a one-man killing machine. Not a bad time at the theaters, but there are definitely better options out there in the genre.
Warfare (2025)
AKA: War is hell.
War movies are one of the most storied movie genres of all time. Every war in history has been subject to a film adaptation, but a war that hasn't had as many prestige adaptations as the big 3 of the 20th century (WWI, WWII, Vietnam) is the war in the Middle East. There are a number of explanations for this, but it's certainly not because of it happening so recently. There were Vietnam movies and WWII movies being made less than a decade after those wars were going on. I think it mainly has to do with how much warfare has changed in the 21st century and how people’s feelings towards war have changed.
Don't get me wrong, there are some great movies already about the war in the Middle East. The Hurt Locker (2009) won Best Picture for godsakes. What I'm saying is, there's no certified classic like there are with those other wars. Which is all to say that I hope Warfare becomes that certified classic for the war in Iraq.
First off, everyone should go see this film on the biggest screen possible. The sound design is nuts and makes you feel every bullet being fired, grenade exploding, and jet flying through a scene. This movie is based on the memories of the Navy SEAL team conducting the mission at the center of the film. The writer/director was one of the people on the mission, so it's truly as authentic as you can get with a war film.
But don't get it twisted, this is not a "fun" time at the theater. This movie is hard to watch and doesn't pull any punches with what it shows. I saw this on a Sunday night in a sold-out theater (one of the perks of living in Los Angeles), and there were moments of silence in the film where you could hear a pin drop. It's impossible not to get completely immersed in this movie, and I couldn't recommend it more. Everyone always brings up Saving Private Ryan when it comes to showing war as realistically as possible on screen, and for my money, it still holds the crown, but I can't ignore Warfare creeping in on its title. That's all I'll say.
That’s all I’ve got.
Do They Say the Title of the Movie In the Movie: No, but they don’t need to.
Chance My Dad Cries While Watching This: 33%
No, But Really: This is far and away one of the best movies I’ve seen that has come out in 2025. This movie is very hard to watch, so know that before going into it, but my god, is it affecting. It doesn’t pull any punches, and it’s on par with any movie that you think has the most realistic depiction of war. Maybe the most affecting aspect of the film is the sound design, which truly makes you feel like you’re there and experiencing what the characters are experiencing, if even in the smallest of ways. I couldn’t recommend this movie more, and I highly recommend seeing it in IMAX if you can. If you watch it at home, make sure your speakers are top-notch.
Movies at Home
Inching ever closer to having no life.
Taking it back to some films I watched in January. Compared to the last blog, these movies could not be more recent. They are also two of the best movies from 2024. Let’s jump right in.
Challengers (2024)
AKA: Tennis = sex
This movie slipped by me in 2024, but in preparation for the Oscars, I figured I should try to watch the best movies from 2024 before the nominations came out. So I fired this up on a random Friday night in January, and what a time I had. Now, I know this movie is somewhat divisive. I'm aware that some people have a severe dislike for this movie and that it doesn't work for them. And I just have to say that while I totally respect that opinion and everything, I just don't know what you were watching.
I've never liked tennis. I've most certainly written about this in a blog that I wrote more than a year ago at this point, but if you don't believe me, you can ask any of my friends growing up. I always sucked at tennis (which is part of the reason why I don't like it very much) and I'm not gonna lie to you, while I knew about the terms game and set, I learned what the difference between them was more recently than I'd care to admit. I also don't think it's very fun to watch on TV. Despite my overall lack of care towards tennis, I thought that Challengers would be a dud for me. What I wasn't expecting was for it to be some of the most exciting tennis I've ever seen. Like, outside of the rest of the plot, which is killer, this movie made playing tennis seem very exciting, and the way they filmed those scenes is mindboggling.
What pushed this movie over the edge for me, though? The score. Holy fucking shit. The score/music for this movie is truly unlike any score I've heard before. Atticus Ross and Trent Reznor scored this film. While they are known for being in the band Nine Inch Nails, I've always known them as film composers more than rock stars. Their first "big" movie was a little film called The Social Network (ever heard of it?), and their filmography since 2010 is pretty remarkable. The score for Challengers is unlike any of their other scores and is wholly unique because it is all EDM/club music. I know it sounds weird, and it sounds like it wouldn't work. Let me tell you right now:
It does (and I’m not even a huge EDM guy).
In fact, this score not getting nominated for an Oscar is an outrage.
Wicked got nominated.
Wicked, an adaptation of a beloved musical that has been running for 20 years, got nominated for best original music. Can someone tell me how using the exact same songs from the musical in your movie is original? Challengers should have gotten the nom instead of Wicked in the Best Original Music category. And while we're here, we might as well mention that Dune: Part 2 wasn't nominated either because it failed to meet the requirements of new music being added to the preexisting score from the first Dune film. 2 of the best scores of the year didn't get nominated because of the music from a preexisting play and because everyone was obsessed with Emilia Perez for some reason (remember when that was a thing?)
Make it make sense.
Do They Say the Title of the Movie In the Movie: An abundance of times.
Chance My Dad Cries While Watching This: 2%
No, But Really: I thought this movie was fucking awesome. I’m not even a tennis guy, but the way they shot the tennis scenes is unlike anything I’ve seen before, and was exhilarating as hell. All three lead performances are great as well. What put it over the top for me, though, was the soundtrack. Again, not even the biggest EDM guy, but goddamn did the music elevate what was on the screen the entire time. I know this movie isn’t for everyone, but I think it’s totally worth a shot just to see if you might enjoy it.
Juror #2 (2024)
AKA: Jury duty sucks.
Fun fact: this movie is set in Savannah, GA. They were filming this movie while I was in Savannah a couple summers ago, working on an independent/student film. That was also the same exact time I wrote my first blog. Look how things have come full circle.
This movie, like Challengers, got past me in 2024. However, unlike Challengers, which I missed cause I was in school and didn't get to see it in theaters, I didn’t get to see Juror #2 because it was essentially kept from the public and hidden in a vault for no one to see.
Allow me to explain.
My dad's parents have been happily married for more than 50 years (hi Nanny and Ddad).
*Author's Note: They're such an old married couple, and it's my favorite thing. Whenever I'm home, I'll go over to their house to say hi, and I'll end up staying there for multiple hours because they're so much fun to be around. They bicker and rib each other constantly. Basically, I want to be them when I'm older*
My Ddad golfs a lot.
I don't know what he shoots consistently, but let's just say it's somewhere in the 80s. On a great day, maybe he'll shoot in the 70s; on a sub-optimal day, maybe he'll shoot in the 90s. Regardless of what he shoots, Nanny is always there at home waiting for him, welcoming him back with open arms, and they continue to live together in harmony.
Now imagine Ddad goes and shoots a 105. Obviously, 105 is not his average score, and he has years of quality scores to prove it, but what if Nanny didn't care? What if, after shooting this 105, Ddad goes out and golfs again, and while he's gone, Nanny packs up all of Ddad's things and puts them in a closet. What if, when Ddad gets home, he's ready to show Nanny that he had a great day and shot in the 70s, but she doesn't care? Instead, what if she tells Ddad that he is now only allowed to live in the tiny closet where all of his stuff is?
That's basically what Warner Bros. did to Clint Eastwood.
Clint Eastwood is 94 years old. Clint Eastwood is also still cranking out movies every few years because he's one of the best. Clint Eastwood has been making movies almost exclusively for Warner Bros. for over 50 years. Clint Eastwood's most recent film before this one, Cry Macho, came out in 2021 when theaters were still really dead from Covid. Cry Macho underperformed. Clint Eastwood then went and made this movie (which was rumored to be his last, he is 94 for godsakes). The movie is then slated for a 2024 release.
David Zaslav (the head of Warner Bros. and a complete idiot) decides to put this movie (Juror #2) in fewer than 50 movie theaters for 2 weeks with almost no marketing or advertising. The movie is then taken out of theaters and put on Max, again with no marketing or advertising, and that's that. Why? Because, despite Clint being a consistent director of quality films that do good business had a movie underperform during a time when that was the norm for movies. One underperformance in 50+ years, and he’s suddenly treated like a nobody.
Someone make it make sense.
I mean, this whole thing is absolutely ridiculous. Clint is a Hollywood legend, one of the last people remaining from his era, and his movies have been consistently good and profitable for more than 50 years. Then, for his potential last movie, Warner Bros. (the studio he has had an exclusive relationship with for half a century) chooses to shove him in a closet instead of giving him his flowers. The most ridiculous part about it is that this movie is better than most of the stuff that Warner Bros. made in 2024. Why they didn't even give it a chance in theaters is beyond me.
Justice for Clint.
And thankfully, my grandmother hasn't left my grandfather just because he shoots a bad golf score from time to time. At least, as far as I'm aware.
A bad pickleball performance, though? That’s grounds for a divorce.
Do They Say the Title of the Movie In the Movie: They manage to sneak it in there a couple times. Good on your Clint.
Chance My Dad Cries While Watching This: 14%
No, But Really: Frankly, more people should have been able to see this movie in theaters, and it’s a damn shame that’s not the case. Is it a perfect film? No, and there are better legal thrillers out there. But this is still one of the better films that came out in 2024 by a mile. Clint Eastwood’s still got it at 94 years old, 2024 was the year of great Nicholas Hoult performances, and I could watch a movie like this every day for the rest of my life and never get bored. It’s a tense thrill ride that has mystery as well as twists and turns that you won’t expect. I highly recommend it for any drama/thriller/legal drama/mystery fans.
Franchise Mode
Going Monkey Mode 2.0
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (2014)
AKA:
Dawn Rise of the Planet of the Apes
I believe I noted it in last week's blog, but while this franchise is one of the best in recent years and is known for its quality, the titles are ridiculous. While I do kind of love it, the titles of the first two movies in this reboot make me very angry. The first film, which we covered last week, details the origins of Caesar and the smart apes. It’s called Rise of the Planet of the Apes. This film (the 2nd in the new series), details the continued evolution of the apes and their interactions with the remaining humans on Earth. It’s called Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. Is that not confusing at all to anyone else? Does anyone else think they should be flipped? In my head, the word "dawn" clearly comes before "rise" in the hierarchy of modifying words that represent something beginning.
I don’t know if that made sense in writing, but if you ask me in person I can explain it better, just ask.
But this is not a new thing. Here are the titles for every Planet of the Apes movie since 1968:
Planet of the Apes (1968)
Beneath the Planet of the Apes (1970)
Escape from the Planet of the Apes (1971)
Conquest of the Planet of the Apes (1972)
Battle for the Planet of the Apes (1973)
Planet of the Apes (2001)
Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011)
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (2014)
War for the Planet of the Apes (2017)
Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes (2024)
I can picture the executive meeting now. It's just a bunch of monkeys in suits sitting around a wheel with random words on it that gets spun. Whichever word the wheel lands on is tacked in front of "of/for the Planet of the Apes," and the meeting is adjourned. As ridiculous as it is, I kind of love how long and wordy the titles are, though.
These movies are so awesome.
Do They Say the Title of the Movie In the Movie: Again, if they ever manage to fit one of these titles in the script of the movie, I will stand up and applaud.
Chance My Dad Cries While Watching This: 59%
No, But Really: These movies absolutely rule. The trilogy (not counting the 4th) gets better as it goes, and these are endlessly rewatchable in my eyes. The effects are out of this world good, and the continuing arc of Caesar, as well as the apes and the humans in this film, are brilliant. I still don’t think it’s the best in the franchise, but it’s about as close as you can get. You should definitely watch this movie and this entire franchise.
-The Capitals are really good.
—I love the NHL playoffs.
—-The Orioles are not very good.
——I don’t know why we didn’t get any pitching help
———First basket bets are electric.
———-Florida boys stay hot.