Issue #68: Aquaman's Health Tips Ruined My Life.
Never trust someone who can talk to fish.
No primer today for new readers (sorry if you’re a new reader). I just wanted to get straight to it (and I wanted to get my word count down a bit). But before I do, I’ll ask you to subscribe and share with your friends/family. It means a lot.
Ok, now that we’ve gotten that over with, I can do my bi-weekly apology for not getting a blog out last week. I had this one 90% written, but was too lazy and didn’t get the intro that you’re about to read finished. I was gonna post one on Friday, but I figured more people will read if these are posted earlier in the week. Plus, Friday is basically the weekend, and people don’t want to spend the time reading these long-ass blogs on the first day of the weekend. In all seriousness, though, having to work on Fridays, especially in the summer, is such a scam. But in case anyone from work is reading this, I love working on Fridays, and thanks for employing me.
Let’s get on with the intro.
Chicago. Part 2.
Back in March, in the days before I had a job, I went to Chicago. You might have read about it, I’ve heard legend of a Perfect Day that happened that weekend.
After that trip, I got a job pretty soon there after and have been working away since. 6 weeks ago, my buddies, specifically the ones in Chicago, told me that I should come to Chicago on the first weekend of June.
It didn’t take much to convince me.
Thursday
My time in Chicago started on Thursday night.
I left work and headed to LAX almost immediately. I parked in my usual spot (1 mile away from the airport) and made my walk to the terminal. Outside of a short delay, the flight to Chicago went smoothly. And by smoothly, I mean that I didn’t talk to a single person from the time I got to the airport to the time I got to Slott and Chaiken’s apartment in Chicago. A perfect travel day indeed. Once I landed in Chicago (at 5:00 am on Friday), I took the train close to my buddies’ apartment and walked the rest.
Thankfully, unlike last time, I was not locked in the lobby of their building and was allowed up. Without waking anyone else up, I was able to get into the place and fall asleep in my bed (AKA the couch made for a person smaller than me). It felt like I was back at home. Outside of my apartment and George’s house (the place I’m at right now due to catsitting), Slott and Chaiken’s apartment is the place I’ve been the most in the last 9 months. As crazy as that is to say, it’s the truth.
Friday
Thankfully, I was able to get a few hours of sleep before I woke up to Frigs and Chaiken joking that I had magically appeared in the apartment. At this point, it was around 9:00 am. I start work at 9:30. The only issue is that there’s a slight time difference between Chicago and Los Angeles; 2 hours to be exact, so I still had 2.5 hours to wait till I could clock in. This meant that I had time to walk to a gas station and grab an energy drink to get me through the day. During the walk to the gas station with Frigs, I was nostalgic for the time before I had a job and was able to spend the day out in the city. Jobs can really get in the way sometimes.
If you’re from my work, once I clocked in at 11:30, I was super locked in for the rest of the day. You can now skip the rest of this intro and move on to the rest of the blog.
Ok, now that they’re gone, I can tell the truth. The truth is, I’d never be able to work from home for a long period of time, especially if I were living with some of my best friends who were also “working from home.” I got all my work done as quickly as I could and dealt with things that came in throughout the day as I usually do, but man is it hard to focus when all your friends want to do is hang out and watch the new Sabrina Carpenter and Miley Cyrus music videos.
*Editor’s Note: The author and his friends watched both videos a combined 21 times throughout the weekend.*
Finally, the end of the day came. Was I technically still on the clock when we headed to dinner? I’ll neither confirm nor deny that, but I will say that I took a call from my boss while we were waiting for our appetizers to come. Did he know that I had worked from Chicago that day? No. Did he know I was in Chicago at all? Also no. But he called to wish me a happy weekend and to tell me that I did great work that day. (What can I say? I’m okay at my job.)
By the time our food came, I was officially off the clock. The rest of the night was a ton of fun, super mellow, and not at all crazy. I also definitely didn’t drop pizza rolls in the toaster oven when we got home and then proceed to eat them while they were thawed but still ice cold.
Anyway….
Saturday
Saturday was yet another pretty perfect day in Chicago. I’m getting pretty good at having those while I’m in the Windy City.
The wake-up started with a debrief of the night before, followed by breakfast sandwiches that hit incredibly different. What followed was a walk to the river, where we were going to do the famous Chicago architecture tour. There were five people in our group. 4 of us either don’t live in Chicago or just recently moved there (Chaiken, Frigs, Blair, and Me). 1 of us has lived in the Chicago area for his entire life (Slott). 4/5 of us had been on the architecture tour before. I’ll give you 4 guesses as to which one of us hadn’t been on it before.
Slott = Fake Chicagoan.
The architecture tour was amazing. Chicago truly is a beautiful city, and I love me a tour filled with fun facts. So much so that I said, “Man, I love fun facts” out loud numerous times throughout the tour to my friends. They all thought that was a really cool thing for me to say.
After the tour, it was time to do what you have to do every time you go to Chicago: go see the bean. At this point, I’m just gonna go see it every time I go to Chicago going forward. I’m 4/4 so far, might as well keep it going. After taking some group pictures, we hung out, touched grass, and took advantage of the blues festival. I may or may not have taken a strategic nap as well.
After a drink and some blues, we decided to head to Navy Pier. Not for any reason in particular, other than the fact that it was there. On the way there, the day turned from good to great. A group of older women walked by us and told us we looked very handsome and like a nice group of guys.
I’ll tell you what: that comment made me feel 6 feet tall.
Vibes were already good, but after that, the vibes were high and showed no signs of coming down. Navy Pier was packed, but we managed to grab a seat at a beer garden near the end of the pier. It was there that we were introduced to one of the best musicians I’ve ever seen live: Ivy Ford.
Mrs. Ford and her band were shredding up there, and none of us could believe it. They were so good that couples were getting up and dancing in front of the stage. During the first song, an old couple danced together. The next song, a younger couple came up and danced. They were unbelievably good and clearly professionals. For the third song, the old couple was back, but this time, a bunch of kids joined them. The energy was infectious, and I could’ve stayed there listening to Ivy Ford for the rest of the night.
But that’s not what was in the cards. Instead, we made the trek to a sushi restaurant for dinner. After stuffing our faces, we headed back to the apartment, where we recharged and got ready to go out for the night. We’d walked 14+ miles already that day (at least 3 getting home from the bars the night before) and were gassed, but we kept the vibes up and headed out.
After a couple of bars, getting stuck outside in the rain, and an Uber ride where the driver followed all of us on Instagram later, we were back at the apartment. Frigs and Blair were stupid and had 5:00 am flights, so I did the honorable thing and attempted to stay up with them until I saw them off.
I didn’t make it.
Sunday
When I woke up the next morning, Frigs and Blair were gone. That left me, Slott, Chaiken, and Jenna to fill the rest of the day until I had to leave. Our plan: get sandwiches and eat outside. That’s what we did, and it was glorious. I didn’t want to leave, but unfortunately, the time finally came for me to head to the airport. Granted, it was an hour later than expected because my flight was delayed, but it still felt earlier than I wanted it to be.
When I got to the airport, I discovered that my flight had been delayed yet another hour. With nothing else to do, and with my flight not scheduled to land till midnight, I grabbed food. Then I waited. And waited. And waited some more. Finally, after 2+ hours, we boarded. Now, I was flying Southwest, and if you’ve ever flown Southwest before, you know that you need to check in 24 hours before your flight.
I forgot to do that.
I forgot to do that, so I was C43, AKA one of the last people on the plane. Despite this, I saw that a seat in the emergency exit row was empty. Sure, it was a middle seat, but I figured the extra leg room would make up for that. What a fool I was. I was too distracted by the cute flight attendant standing in the row that I didn’t realize that I had just agreed to sit next to two very large men for the next 5 hours.
The guy in the window seat was a football player (I figured this out from his sweatshirt). He was one of the largest people I’ve ever seen. So large, in fact, that his arms took up the entire armrest and part of my seat area. The guy in the aisle seat was no slouch himself. He didn't take up as much room, but when I sat down and he said, “I guess you’re small enough to fit in the middle seat,” I should’ve known I was in for a rough flight.
They couldn’t have been nicer people, but that doesn’t change the fact that I was sitting at an angle like this the entire flight:
No, we weren’t all sleeping on each other. The other two guys had the luxury of sitting completely normally. But I was lodged in there like Lucy at an angle that was really good for my back (that was sarcasm if you couldn’t tell).
To make matters worse, I blew the very real chance I had with the cute flight attendant (seriously, I totally had a shot). As she was doing her drink rounds, I got something in my eye, and that’s when I discovered that there is no “cool” way to get something out of your eye. No matter what technique you use or how hard you try, you will always look weird, gross, terrifying, or all three. So as the flight attendant is turning to ask for my row’s orders, it looks like I’m having a seizure. I’m blinking, rubbing my eye, doing that thing that they taught you in Super Friends where you pull your top eyelid down over your bottom eye to flush it out, etc.
In the immortal words of Billy Madison:
Trust me, I definitely had a chance.
I spent the rest of the flight watching comfort movies to ease my pain.
*Editor’s Note: The author spent 20 minutes trying to find the Aquaman clip explaining how to flush out your eye, but couldn’t find it. Here’s a Superman health tip instead.*
Super Friends is the best.
I like Chicago a lot. The travel to and from? Not as much.
Let’s get on with the blog.
Flag Rankings
A continuing section of the blog where I take it upon myself to rank all of the US State flags. Why? Because it’s high time I learned what they all look like.
If you need to remind yourself of the rankings so far, check them out here:
100% Accurate Official Flag Rankings
Guess what we have today?
More blue flags with too much stuff on them. Let’s get into it.
Also, I’m aware that I didn’t acknowledge that it was Flag Day last weekend. I can also guarantee you that you wouldn’t have cared if I had acknowledged it.
#40. Pennsylvania
We’ve reached our first animal-centric flag with Pennsylvania’s. Again, we’ve got a crest/seal in the middle that is much too small and detailed to be anywhere near a flag. I dig the horses and the bald eagle, but again, there’s simply too much going on. They should have made this flag the Quakers’ logo. That’d be way better.
#39. Michigan
I fuck with the deer and the moose more than I do the horses. That’s the only reason Michigan is at #39 and not at #40. Everything else is the same. Too much going on and way too much Latin, good lord. You could totally do something that has to do with cars and make this flag way better. Just put an old muscle car on it, and boom, 1000% better already.
#38. Virginia
I’m usually partial to animals > humans on flags, but Virginia’s is so unique that I had to push it up in the rankings. It makes no sense and is completely out of place, but it’s also kind of cool. If it didn’t say Virginia on the top, you could have given me 50 guesses, and I don’t know if I would’ve guessed what state this flag is for.
Next blog, we’ll move on to #37, #36, and #35. Trust me, we’re almost to some better flags.
I made a new website. It’s basically the same as the old Vault, but it’s been given a makeover, and the movies and documentaries I watched in 2024 are now available as well. If you check it out, please give me suggestions on how I can make it better. And let me know if there are any issues I need to fix.
Check it out here!
Alright, on to the blog.
Movies count for the year: 89
Doc count for the year: 9
Total movie count on the blog: 304
Keeping Movie Theaters Alive
Go see these (if they’re still out).
The Materialists (2025)
AKA: Love is dead. Or is it?
I'm gonna say it right off the bat:
I love love.
I love a good rom-com, I love a good rom-dram, and I love a good rom. Anyone who has read this blog before knows that already, but for any potential new readers, I just have to get that out of the way. I say all of that because when this movie was announced, it immediately went on my list of 2025 movies I was excited for. I haven't gotten around to seeing Celine Song's directorial debut from 2023, Past Lives, yet, but I've heard only good things. Despite not having seen Past Lives, I knew I had to see Materialists on opening night, which is exactly what I did. Now, I could easily go on about how, while this movie was marketed as a rom-com, it really isn't one at the end of the day, but instead I'll just link the Ringer article that did that already.
Instead, I'm gonna talk about my dating life.
...
...
Come on, did you really think I was gonna talk about that? I'm pretty open here on the blog, but I don't know if we're there just yet.
No, I'm actually gonna talk about how funny it is when the best-looking people in the world are cast in movies as "ugly" or "down-on-their-luck" people. It's hilarious to me and always will be. For example, I love Chris Evans, and I think he's quite good in this movie, but his character (spoiler alert from the trailer) is an out-of-work stage actor in New York. Chris Evans smokes a cigarette in this movie, and it might be the hottest a guy has ever looked in a movie. Chris Evans' character could be the worst actor of all time or secretly the best actor of all time. I don't care how bad of an actor you are. If you look like Chris Evans, I'm entirely convinced that you're going to find success somewhere.
This type of casting happens all the time, and every time it's funny. The #1 example of this off the top of my head is Rachel Leigh Cook in She's All That. You're telling me that you didn't think she was gorgeous/super hot until she took off her glasses?
Hilarious. I just thought of another one: Superman. With glasses? "This guy is a fucking loser." Without glasses? "I want to jump this guy's bones." To answer your question, the person I'm quoting is Lois Lane.
Movies are the best.
Do They Say the Title of the Movie In the Movie: They managed to sneak it in there, and let me just, I appreciated it.
Chance My Dad Cries While Watching This: 93%
No, But Really: I liked this movie a fair amount, but not as much as I wanted to. I personally didn’t care that it wasn’t as “rom-com-y” as advertised, because it was still a really solid romance movie with some comedic moments mixed with dramatic moments. The thing that I didn’t get, and maybe I’m blind or something, but I personally don’t understand Dakota Johnson’s acting style. While I enjoyed her character more as the movie went on, nothing about it felt very natural, and it kind of took me out of the movie. I thought Chris Evans was great, and Pedro Pascal was good, and overall, this movie is very enjoyable. I’d recommend it for sure, especially to fans of romance movies, but if you don’t like Dakota Johnson, you might not enjoy it.
Running It Back
San Francisco Edition
Back in August, on my way to Los Angeles, I made a pit stop in San Francisco during Labor Day weekend to visit one of my pledge brothers, Jack Kampmann. Jack, there’s no way you’re reading this right now, but if you are, you can attest to the madness that went down on Friday night. That madness led us to stay in for the rest of the weekend. Staying in means movies, and I used the weekend to educate Kampmann on some classics. These are the movies we watched…
Zodiac (2007)
AKA: David Fincher loves serial killers.
This was the first movie Kampmann and I watched during my time in San Francisco. We were trying to pick a movie, I asked if he had seen Zodiac, he said he hadn't, I reacted in a totally reasonable way (I did not), and we decided to watch it. I don't know if I did the best job preparing him for how heavy this movie is, but I did tell him that, since he is a lifelong San Franciscan, Zodiac is mandatory viewing.
When in San Francisco, do as the San Franciscans do.
I used to be into the whole true-crime genre than I am nowadays, but one thing that will always get me out of bed in the morning is Zodiac Killer content. I've seen all of the documentaries, read all of the theories, and seen all of the YouTube conspiracy videos. It's an absolutely fascinating saga, and while they've never solved the case, and I find it unlikely that they ever will, there's always a different answer you can draw from it. That's what makes the Zodiac case, and this movie, so entertaining. You can be as much of a detective as you want, and you can always find a different take or theory on the case than you did before.
For example, can you believe that one of the Zodiac's ciphers got solved back in 2020, 51 YEARS after it was originally published? It's stuff like that that will always make Zodiac intriguing. It's him, it's DB Cooper, and all of the other unsolved mysteries that will always keep you guessing. Every documentary says the same stuff, and every time a new one comes out, I watch it in the hope that they actually solved it. Spoiler alert:
They never do.
Mount Rushmore of *Fictional* Movie Serial Killers:
John Doe (Se7en)
It’s the thought behind it that counts. If not for the 7 Deadly Sins angle, Lecter would be #1, but the commitment to the bit is what pushes John Doe to the top spot.
*Even though the movie is 30 years old, I’m not including a picture just in case you’ve been living under a rock or haven’t seen this movie yet.*
Hannibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs)
I believe this is still the only serial killer to win Best Actor. He’s one of the best.
Raymond (The Vanishing)
None of you have ever heard of this guy or seen this Dutch film from 1988, but it’s one of the scariest movies I’ve ever seen. This dude Raymond is a sick motherfucker and you should all watch this movie because it’s really good. Also, Stanley Kubrick said it was the scariest movie he’s ever seen, so don’t just take my word for it.
Norman Bates (Psycho)
The OG.
Honorable Mentions: Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger, Michael Myers (I don’t really categorize them as serial killers, but they deserve a mention), Ghostface (I haven’t seen Scream, but I know he/she is iconic), Patrick Bateman (not sure if he’s a serial killer per se, but again, he deserves a mention), The Tooth Fairy (Manhunter, great name, and probably #5 on this list).
Do They Say the Title of the Movie In the Movie: Like, a billion times.
Chance My Dad Cries While Watching This: 12%
No, But Really: I fucking love this movie. It’s a perfect blend of history, drama, suspense, and thrills that checks all of my boxes. Combine all of those things with some killer (pun intended) performances from RDJ, Gyllenhaal, and Ruffalo (along with others), and you have essentially a perfect movie in my book. This is my favorite Fincher movie, and it’s one that is great on a rewatch as well. I couldn’t recommend it more.
Mrs. Doubtfire (1993)
AKA: Robin Williams is a woman.
Alright, so Kampmann and I watched Zodiac. 3 hours later, the vibes were low, and we needed a palate cleanser before going to sleep. So, naturally, we picked another classic San Francisco movie: Mrs. Doubtfire. I'm gonna be honest, I'd only seen Mrs. Doubtfire one time prior, so I wasn't sure how it would hold up to my mature, film critic sensibilities.
Author's Note: I think I watched it with my sister during a trip back in the day. We watched it on an iPad with the help of a headphone jack splitter. That splitter was an absolute game-changer and prevented a lot of fights.
Suffice it to say, this movie rocks, and any doubt of it meeting my now highly critical film taste was quickly squashed.
I love San Francisco. It gets a lot of unwarranted hate (in my opinion), but every time I've been there (and I've only been there twice in my life), I've had nothing but pleasant experiences, other than Saturday morning this last time I was there (I was very hungover). The weather is my type of weather, it's a gorgeous city, they've got a ton of tourist/cultural stuff you can do, some fantastic movies and TV shows are set there, and they have a Top-2 bridge in the world. Actually, after consulting my Bridge ranking from my blog about 21 Bridges, I ranked the Golden Gate Bridge #1, and I'll stand by that. All in all, outside of the homeless people and how expensive it is (sounds a lot like LA and NY to me), San Francisco seems like it'd be a great place to live.
My favorite San Francisco memory involves sourdough bread. I’ve probably told this story before on the blog, but who cares?
Back in 5th grade (or 6th grade?) I went to San Fran with my mom, her sister, my grandma, and my 3 cousins on my Mom's side. We spent the weekend doing all of the tourist-y stuff, and it was an absolute blast. However, by the last day, our hotel room smelled like straight farts (it was all the boys in one and the moms in the other, I can't imagine the mom's room smelled like straight farts, but that's up to them to say). "Why did it smell like farts?" you might ask. The answer to that question can be answered by flashing back to our first night in SF.
We went to the famous Boudin's Bakery on Fisherman's Wharf and did a tour there. When we were done, my mom (or my Aunt Joey) gave the 4 of us boys a $20 bill to use to buy some bread. Their first mistake. Their second mistake? Letting us go in there alone. The oldest of the group was my cousin Jack, and he was maybe 14, aka prime "little-shit" age. As we perused our options, our eyes quickly locked onto a loaf of bread in the shape of an alligator. We simply had to have it, no matter the cost. Only problem: it cost $25 and we only had $20. Thankfully, we were able to pivot and find something that cost $20 exactly. And that's the story of how we walked out of that store with a big-ass crab made of sourdough bread that made my cousin Jack fart his brain out for the rest of the weekend.
Please, ignore my hair in this photo, I beg of you.
Mount Rushmore of Nannies/Nanny characters from Pop Culture:
Mary Poppins (Mary Poppins)
She’s the GOAT. She can fly, can jump into paintings, and taught us all the word supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
Jack Butler (Mr. Mom)
This is a technicality, because Jack is really just a stay-at-home dad, but it’s my ranking and I’m putting him at #2. His methods might be unconventional (see the photo below), but I swear, he earns this #2 ranking.
Mrs. Doubtfire (Mrs. Doubtfire)
Again, methods are a bit touchy (maybe not the best look of all time), but she (or he) gets the job done.
Maria (Sound of Music)
Julia Andrews is the all-time forever GOAT of nanny characters. Mary Poppins and Maria in back-to-back years, and Best Picture for Sound of Music will never be beaten.
Do They Say the Title of the Movie In the Movie: Yes. A lot.
Chance My Dad Cries While Watching This: 94%
No, But Really: What an absolutely delightful movie. Robin Williams is a treasure, and every time I see something with him in it, especially at the peak of his powers, like he is in this movie, it makes me appreciate him even more. This is a great San Francisco movie as well, great city. This one has laughs, it can make you cry, and it’s just a really great family movie. I will say, it’s a hell of a lot heavier than I remember it being, but that adds to its effectiveness. This movie is for everyone, and if you need a movie for a family movie night, I couldn’t recommend this one more.
Tropic Thunder (2008)
AKA: “They don’t make them like they used to.”
After our night watching Zodiac and Mrs. Doubtfire, Kampmann and I decided to go full comedy the next night. How we landed on Tropic Thunder, I don't know, but if I were to guess, it's because I recommended it (that's exactly what happened). I hadn't seen Tropic Thunder since 2018, so I knew I was due for a rewatch. I was very happy with my decision.
I have no idea what else to write about in this section. I could write about Tom Cruise again, how his performance in this movie as Les Grossman is hysterical, and how he should do more comedic roles, but I've been talking about Tom Cruise every week for the last month, so I won't do that. I could talk about how this movie "couldn't be made today," but that's what everyone says about this movie, so I won't do that either. I could talk about how stacked this cast is (Ben Stiller, RDJ, Jack Black, McConaughey, Tom Cruise, Bill Hader, Danny McBride, Nick Nolte, Steve Coogan, to name a few), but I feel like that's boring. Or I could talk about spoof/satire movies and how this is one of the best of all time, right up there with Airplane!, Naked Gun, etc. You know what? Maybe I'll do that and give the genre some shine.
Taken as a whole, the spoofy/satire/parody movie is one of the most difficult types of movies to nail. The margin for error is very small, and if the filmmakers, writers, etc. aren't smart, the end product usually sucks. I can think of way more unsuccessful parody movies than I can good ones. It's a tough one to get right, and that, combined with the decline in comedy movies being made, and you've got your answer as to why they don't make very many anymore. They're an endangered species, but when one gets done well? You'll never laugh harder. The Naked Gun reboot/legacy sequel is coming out soon with Liam Neeson, and I’m very nervous (but excited) to see how that goes. Fingers crossed.
Do They Say the Title of the Movie In the Movie: It’s the movie inside the movie. Very meta, very funny.
Chance My Dad Cries While Watching This: 2%
No, But Really: This movie absolutely rips, and holy shit is it funny. It is a cutting, picture-perfect satire of the movie industry, egomaniac actors, method actors, power-hungry producers, and everything in between. Every actor in this movie is hysterical, and RDJ gives the funniest (and best) performances of his career. This movie isn’t for the faint of heart with the amount of dark humor and blood/gore there is, but I’d recommend it to anyone. Don’t be afraid to laugh, it’s a parody after all.
Franchise Mode
I had some extra time at work on Friday (working very hard), so I got my Canva skills on and made a tracker of all the franchises I’ve written about on the blog. The ones without X’s through them are the ones that I haven’t written about yet or are currently in the process of watching and will be writing about soon.
If you have any suggestions on franchises to add, please let me know! Always taking suggestions.
Matt Damon (and sometimes Jeremy Renner) Has A Bad Memory 2.0
Yet again, we’re starting this franchise on the 2nd movie (last time we started with Mission: Impossible II before working through the rest of the franchise). That’s because I watched the first Bourne movie (The Bourne Identity (2002)) back in 2021 (AKA 2 B.B. (Before the Blog)). So, for the next few weeks, we’ll be talking about the remaining Bourne movies in the franchise.
Let’s get started.
The Bourne Supremacy (2004)
AKA: Matt Damon has some serious memory issues.
For the next few Franchise Modes, I'm gonna need you all to think back to January 2024. The new year has just started, people are going back to school/work, and I just had my wisdom teeth removed. 2 days later, after my previously discussed legendary puzzle performance and my cheeks swelling to the size of a chipmunk's, my entire family decided to leave me to go drop my sister off at school. That left me home alone, unable to do anything but sit around. The day was pretty crappy. It was cold, rainy, and I couldn't eat anything solid. To add insult to injury, the night before, I had voluntarily subjected myself to torture. I went to get hibachi with my friends, and watched as they all enjoyed the show and the food that came along with it. What did I do during this whole ordeal? I started at the plate full of food in front of me and thought how good it was going to taste as leftovers once I could actually eat food again.
Ok, back to Saturday. The weather is shitty, my family is gone, and I can't eat food. What's a guy to do? Sit on the couch and watch movies all day. So that's exactly what I did, starting with The Bourne Supremacy.
Oh, also shoutout my Aunt Colleen. She brought me over a milkshake and mashed potatoes for me to eat that day. Not to be dramatic or anything, but it was one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me.
As previously mentioned, I had watched The Bourne Identity a couple of years prior, and so, after years of talking about it, I finally got around to starting (and finishing) the rest of the franchise. I have one very important piece of advice that I'll give you. You can trust me because I've binge-watched my fair share of franchises in my day, and I have a lot of practice watching movies back-to-back-to-back-to-back.
I would not recommend watching all of the Jason Bourne movies back-to-back-to-back-to-back because there's a strong case you'll get a combination of whiplash and a seizure.
Not because of the quality of the movies (these movies are all pretty solid, not as good as the M:I movies in my opinion, but I digress), but because of Paul Greengrass' filmmaking style (the director of Bournes 2, 3, and 5). The rapid cuts mashed with rapid action on screen work on occasion, but when the entire movie employs it rather than using longer, wider takes, your head might be spinning after hour 6 (I may or may not be speaking from experience).
Do They Say the Title of the Movie In the Movie: I don’t think they say the title in any of these movies (except for one)
Chance My Dad Cries While Watching This: 33%
No, But Really: While I’d say that all the movies in this franchise are pretty solid, this one is right in the middle or in the bottom half if I were to rank them. Supremacy introduces the Paul Greengrass shaky-cam style that isn’t for everyone, and while it’s not my favorite thing in the world, it certainly gives these movies a unique look. Unfortunately for Supremacy, it’s far and away the most forgettable movie in the Bourne franchise, and maybe that’s because I watched them all in the span of 3 days, but not much sticks out from this one outside of a stunt here and there. Definitely worth the watch if you’re going through the entire franchise, but might not be one I’d rewatch as often as some of the others.
-The Orioles suck.
—I’m catsitting again
-—I can’t wait to be back home in a couple of weeks
——Check in on your bros.